by eucman

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

mond

WELCOME to Monday, July 28, 2014.    

1) Words: Short, But So Succinct Word Jokes:  
 
Pythagoras: 24 words
 
The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words
 
Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words
 
The Ten Commandments: 179 words
 
Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address: 286 words
 
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words
 
The U.S. government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words
 
2) Shop Signs – Play on Words
 
Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong: LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.
 
Tailor shop, Rhodes: ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.
 
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
 
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
 
Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
 
At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. 
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx
Coffee isn’t my cup of tea. – Samuel Goldwyn
I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? – Paul Merton
At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and
if I’m not there I carry on as usual. – Patrick Moore
Operator! Give me the number for 911. – Homer Simpson
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes. – Oscar Wilde
Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning? – George W Bush
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’
I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.’ – Les Dawson
My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. – Paul Getty
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Clara works in the customer service call centre of a national pager company. There, she deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional loony caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.  

A good call came from Arthur, who repeatedly complains that he keeps being paged by ‘Lucille.’  Arthur was told that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.  ‘She don’t never leave no number, so I can’t call her back,’ Arthur grizzled, unhappily.  After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn’t leave a number.  ‘She leaves her name,’ was Arthur’s triumphant reply.  After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.  ‘How does she spell her name? Clara politely enquired.  ‘L-O-W C-E-L-L,’ dictated Arthur clearly.  Yet another technical problem solved!  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “This is the kind of conversation two people have when one of them is female.”
 
Answer: Fierce Creatures!  This 1997 movie stars John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Kevin Kline. John Cleese is Rollo Lee, the new manager of England’s Marwood Zoo who tries to introduce a “fierce creatures only” policy in order to attract customers. Jamie Lee Curtis is Willa Weston, who takes over later as manager, and Kevin Kline plays Rod McCain, who Willa works for, and Vince McCain, his idiot son. Hilarity ensues.  This quote is said by Vince when Willa is trying to talk to him about his general dislike of animals, which he shows by mocking a gorilla’s lack of activity while he and Willa are standing in front of the gorilla exhibit.  
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from??? Person 1: “Did you ever imagine it would end like this?” Person 2: “The horse was a surprise.”
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
For each of the following four words, come up with another English word that uses all THE SAME letters but in a different order. The four words you come up with will rhyme with one another. 
 
ONSET 
NEWS 
WRONG 
HORNET  
 
Answer:  STONE   SEWN   GROWN   THRONE
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What common household item wouldn’t have became popular if it wasn’t for another invention in 1928 (it didn’t take off until 1930)?
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT JOB BANKS!  EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
 
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

      

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