by eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

real-men

WELCOME to Wednesday, August 13, 2014.   

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. 
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It’s a new cutting-edge technology called ‘a bus.'” -Conan O’Brien
 
“Dunkin’ Donuts announced they have created their first-ever coffee-flavored doughnut. First ever? Your name is Dunkin’ Donuts. Your name is a recipe for coffee-flavored doughnuts.” -Seth Meyers
 
“The new ‘Ninja Turtles’ movie that opens today. I had a pet turtle when I was a kid. He taught me a lot. For instance, he taught me I love the taste of turtle soup.” -Craig Ferguson 
 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Husband’s call: “Honey it’s me. I don’t want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays.

“The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury. However I have three broken ribs and a compound fracture in the left leg. However, the doctors think it will be OK, but they want to monitor the leg for a few days to make sure there are no complications. I’m in room 406 at Baptist East.” 

Wife’s Response: “Who is Paula?”

And if you find that hard to believe, you’ve never been married.EmojiEmojiEmoji 

 

Tuesday Movie  Tivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘We are men of action. Lies do not become us.’     
 
Answer: Princess Bride! In the movie, the grandfather reads to the little boy from a book called ‘The Princess Bride’, hence the title of the movie, by ‘S. Morgenstern,’ who was invented by ‘Princess Bride’ author William Goldman. 
 
Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys.’
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Pete’sa Pete lists prices for his extra toppings in pairs. How much does each topping cost by itself? Each price is whole-dollar increments. 
 
Pineapple & Hot Peppers $7
Broccoli & Extra Cheese $6
Mushrooms & Onions $2
Black Olives & Hot Peppers $5
Pepperoni & Mushrooms $4
Onions & Black Olives $3
Extra Cheese & Mushrooms $5  
  
Answer: From the list above and the note about only whole-dollar amounts we note that if Mushrooms & Onions are $2 together they must be $1 each. From there it is simple math to figure out the following. 
 
Onions $1
Mushrooms $1
Pepperoni $3
Black Olives $2
Extra Cheese $4
Broccoli $2
Hot Peppers $3
Pineapple $4 
 
Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….
I have listed the following as Happy Words. What is it about these words that suggests that they are “Happy”?
 
Semicircle
Mesdemoiselles
Postmillennial
Assimilate
Snowmobile
Superfamilies
 
  
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB BANKS! 
 
EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji 

 

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