Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Monday, September 8, 2014.   

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. 

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” 

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember. 

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies: 

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s up with you?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don’t understand what you mean?

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. You’re kidding, right?

8. Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day. (my favorite)

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“The NFL season kicked off officially last week. It’s that magical time of the year when millions of Americans transition from checking Facebook all day at work to checking their fantasy football lineups all day at work.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Happy birthday to Los Angeles. The city was founded on this day in 1781. The land was first discovered by an old prospector who said, ‘There’s Botox in them thar hills. And kale.'” -Craig Ferguson
“Starbucks in New York City is now selling liquor. I was in Starbucks earlier today. I got a grande cappuccino with five pumps of Wild Turkey.” -Dave Letterman 
 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

 A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong. While passing through a jewish neighborhood he was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching.

As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said….”You’re a Jew?”

“Yes, I’m Jewish,” replied the Brooklynite.

“Funny,” said the Chinese rabbi. “You don’t look it.”

Friday Movie  Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘He treats objects as women, man!’
 
Answer: ‘The Big Lebowski’ A very dishevelled Dude trying to talk his way out of an arrest. 
 
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Nobody understands cricket, you have to know what a crumpet is to understand cricket.’
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Solve the two riddles. The answers should be anagrams of each other.
 
(Thing 1)
You use me when you want to cook
For friends or family.
But, whether written down or not,
It’s best you stick to me.
 
(Thing 2)
I like to think that I’m a skill,
Not just some old technique.
People do me to their ears,
Or nose, or tongue, or cheek.
EmojiEmoji  
 
Answer: Thing 1 is a RECIPE.  Thing 2 is PIERCE. 
 
Monday’s  Quizzler is……….
Each of the clues below describe a 70’s American TV show. Can you name each show?
 
1. Ruffles, Pringles, Frito-Lays
2. 911 !
3. The aeronautically capable, habit wearing female (3)
4. A four wheeled vehicle, driven by a person whose job it is to take passengers and their luggage where they want to go in exchange for a fee 
5. More than seven, nine is too much (3)
6. Small abode on the treeless tract of land (5)
7. Mixture of the sodium salts of various fatty acids of natural oils and fats
 
TODAY’S PURE GENIUS OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING FRIDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY!  GREAT JOB BANKS!!!! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

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