Clever Phrases……. 

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.
• The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
• The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
• Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
• We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
• He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Silence and smile are two powerful words.  Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence 

is the way to avoid many problems – Anon

Knowledge talks, wisdom listens

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure – Clarence Darrow

He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire – Winston Churchill

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure – W.C. Fields

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back – Charlie Brown

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone 

and a funny bone – Reba McEntire

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway – Anon

Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes 

called Experience leads us to success

A wise man listens to advice – Proverbs 12:15 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A wealthy ninety years old tycoon is meeting with is financial advisor.  The advisor is very excited and

tells the old man, ‘I just found out about an investment I can make for you which will double your money

in just five years.’  ‘Five years? Are you kidding?’ splutters the old man. ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’

 

 

Thursday Movie  Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  ‘Spandex…it’s a privilege, not a right.’

 

Answer: Hackers! The response to a big bootie in spandex. The quote speaks for itself. 

 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “Looks like you Irish cops are perking up… That’s two solid thories in one day, neither of which have to do with an overly sized man… Makes me feel like Riverdancin’!”

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

In this teaser, I will give you a list of clues and the answer, with all the letters, but the word year, missing. Your job is to figure out what to add to the word year to get the answer to the clue. 

Example: Reading Glasses = *Y**EAR 

Answer: EYEWEAR

1. Word for word, without reading = *Y *EAR*

2. New York Birthplace of F.D.R. = *Y*E *AR*

3. Caveat Emptor = **YE* ***AR*

4. Person engaged in reverie = **Y**EA**R

5. Student at Harvard or Yale, e.g. = **Y *EA***R

6. Seafood restaurant = *Y**E* *AR

7. Old sage who doesn’t shave = ***Y*EAR*

8. Extra-powerful, souped up = *Y*E***AR***

9. Absolutely transparent = **Y**** **EAR

10. Place to drop off clothes = **Y **EA**R

11. Jellystone resident = Y*** *EAR

12. Headache remedy since 1899 = **YE* A***R**  

Answer:  1. BY HEART  2. HYDE PARK   3. BUYER BEWARE  4. DAYDREAMER  5. IVY LEAGUER  6. OYSTER BAR

7. GREYBEARD or GRAYBEARD  8. HYPERCHARGED  9. CRYSTAL CLEAR  10. DRY CLEANER  11. YOGI BEAR

12. BAYER ASPIRIN

 

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

In a high school science class, Jimmy was given 50 milliliters of water and 50 milliliters of ethanol. His task was to mix them together and then run an experiment on the mixture. When the teacher came to check on him, however, Jimmy’s mixture only contained 94 milliliters. The teacher accused him of drinking some of the mixture in an attempt to get intoxicated and immediately sent him to the principal. Jimmy swears that he did not drink the mixture and that he didn’t lose any of the liquids by any means. What happened to the other six milliliters, and how could Jimmy prove his innocence?