Steven Wright’s Sayings……  

• Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• I have a map of the world at home.  Full size, I spent last summer folding it.
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
• Why is abbreviation such a long word?
• How did a fool and his money get together?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• What’s another word for thesaurus?
• Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
• If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
• I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen…and replaced by exact duplicates.
• Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
• Half the people you know are below average.
• How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
• My mechanic told me, ‘I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Do you think that when they asked George Washington for his ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
• How do I set my laser printer on stun?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
• If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
• If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away? and whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘Lisp’ to have a ‘S’ in it?
•  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“The New York Post says that Oscar Wilde is responsible for Kim Kardashian’s rise to fame because he was the first person who was ‘famous for being famous.’ When asked her thoughts about it, Kim said, ‘Is Oscar the one that lives in a trash can?'” -Seth Meyers

“At the Eiffel Tower they’ve installed a new glass floor that lets tourists see what’s going on hundreds of feet below them. It celebrates France’s favorite pastime: looking down on people.” -Jimmy Fallon

“People are upset because it now takes longer to get fast food. The average time to get your order is three minutes, four seconds – and people are outraged. And what I do while I’m waiting, send out for a pizza?” -Dave Letterman

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

As a Marine Captain stationed in Okinawa, Japan, I was accompanying the assistant commandant on his inspection of the troops. To break the silence, the general would ask some of the Marines standing at attention which outfit they were serving with. Ramrod straight, each would respond, “Marine Air Group 36, sir,” or “Second Marine Division, General.” But near the end of the inspection, when the general asked a young private, “Which outfit are you in?” 

The Marine replied, “Dress blues, sir, with medals!”

 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???  “It’s so stimulating being your hat.”

 

Answer: Labyrinth! Before Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) rescues Ludo, she is given advice from a wise man whose hat argues with him constantly. His hat looks like a bird of some sort. The voice of the wise man is provided by Frank Oz.

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from??? “I am a cartoon mouse wearing high-heel running shoes.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

 Based on the clue in parentheses, find a four-letter word that can be inserted backwards into the blank to complete a longer word.

Example: di____ve (a defeat)

Answer: dissolve (“A defeat” gives you LOSS, which is placed backwards in the blank: di_SSOL_ve.)

1. s____ing (profound, extreme, or intense)

2. si____ll (inspired by a feeling of reverence)

3. re____ed (draw with force)

4. s____hot (to extend over)

Answer:  1. speeding (DEEP – s_PEED_ing)

2. sidewall (AWED – si_DEWA_ll)

3. regarded (DRAG – re_GARD_ed)

4. snapshot (SPAN – s_NAPS_hot)  

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

All these number represent one thing. What is it?

1.609344

1,760 

5,280 

63,360 

160,934.4 

1,609,344