by eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

bad-puns-1

WELCOME to Tuesday, December 16, 2014.   

Clever Phrases….
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and   

whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

 “Researchers are working on a Breathalyzer that can tell if you’re driving while stoned. If the driver tries to dip the Breathalyzer in nachos and cheese, or tries to light it with a lighter, the gig’s up.” -Conan O’Brien

“There’s a holiday gift giving trend that’s supposedly on the rise this year called self-gifting. It’s OK to buy a gift for yourself. But buying a gift and wrapping it for yourself, that’s pathetic.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A company has developed a grease burn protection so you can fry a skillet full of bacon naked. I did that once. I’m so embarrassed. I thought it would be fun to cook bacon naked. And then Denny’s fired me right on the spot.” -Dave Letterman 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:

“I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence. 

As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had ‘Rev.’ in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, ‘Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don’t know…do something religious?'” 

“So I took up a collection.”  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? 

What movie is this quote from???   ‘Now is the winter of our discontent.’

 

Answer: Richard III! Said by the title character (played by Ian McKellan) in this wonderful 

adaptation of Shakespeare’s play by the same name.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 

quote from???  ‘My name’s Turkish, funny name for an English man, I know.’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Answer the following with parts of the body. The first one is free! 

1. A strong box (chest) 

2. Heard in congress while voting 

3. Baby cows 

4. A shellfish 

5. A unit used to measure distance 

6. Scholars 

7. Part of a shoe 

8. What every builder must have 

9. Something made by whips 

10. What soldiers carry

Answer: 2. Eyes and nose [Aye’s and No’s]  3. Calves  4. Muscle [Mussel]  5. Feet  6. Pupils  7. Heel [Sole and tongue are also acceptable]  8. Nails  9. Lashes  10. Arms  

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Can you uncover what each group of three has in common?

1. doughnut

notebook

golf course

2. turtle

peanut

oyster

3. brown

polar

Kodiak

4. cough

tear

rain

5. soap

granola

candy

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

     

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