by eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesdays, December 31, 2014.    

Daffynitions for the last day of this year….. 
abdication — Giving up on stomach exercises.
adult — A person who has stopped growing up and starts growing out.
anarchy – Exception to the rule.
ashtray — Pig Latin for a piece of trash.
atheist — A believer in non-belief.
autopsy — A dying practice.
bachelor — A guy who never finds out how many faults he has.
bankers — The rooters of all evil.
bargain — Something that makes you think you’re saving money when you’re spending it.
bore — Someone who, when you ask how he is, tells you.
bureaucracy — Capital punishment.
cannibal — Someone who is fed up with people.
card — Someone in a play suit.
chef — A cook with a large hat and a head to fill it.
chickens — Animals you can eat before they are born and after they are dead.
church — Where the world is seen through stained-glass.
committee — A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
consciousness — That nightmare between sleeps.
custody — The last battle in a marriage.
cynics — Ignorant people who are ruining the county.
death — The only escape from taxes.
dictionary — The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
dignify — A way to make the hole you’re in look good.
diplomat — A person who tells you to get lost and you can’t wait to get started.
download — A crucial step in making a pillow.
dust — Mud with the juice squeezed out.
esoteric — A word known only by esoteric people.
expression — Non-stop talking.
finance — The artful application of arithmetic.
flabbergasted — Reaction to seeing oneself naked in a mirror.
flashlight — A case for holding dead batteries.
fortune teller — A bank employee who only deal with large accounts.
gossip — An independent news source.
government — A necessity we could do without.
hanging — A suspended sentence.
hangover — The wrath of grapes.
headache — A cheap and effective contraceptive.
heirloom — A dead giveaway.
honeymoon — When a married couple moon their honeys.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, I’ll see you next year, and remember whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.” –George Burns

“An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.” –Henry Ford

“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.” –Mark Twain  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Two mental patients were walking next to a swimming pool. One jumped into the pool and the other jumped in to save him. Their doctor saw the rescue and called the rescuer to his office. “Due to your actions, it appears your mental state is fine,” the doctor said to the patient, “You can go home to your family, but before you do, you should know that the person you saved hung himself today.” The patient replied, “He didn’t hang himself; I hung him there to dry.”  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘You broke out of jail?’ ‘No, we released ourselves on our own recognizance.’

Answer: Raising Arizona! Hi’s friends tell his wife this after they’ve broken out of jail and came to their house to stay a while.

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Lose it? I didn’t ‘lose’ it. It’s not like whoops where’d my job go. I QUIT!’

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Burn – Bead

2. Rid – Tripe

3. Grove – Rout

4. Charm – Rush

5. Cream – Sweep

ANSWER: 1. Bun – Bread  2. Ride – Trip  3. Groove – Rut  4. Harm – Crush  5. Scream – Weep

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?

 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

        

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