by eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, January 6, 2015. 

What Do You Call…  
…a tall beachcomber? — A longshoreman.
…a sidewalk engineer? — A pathologist.
…a high school or college graduate? — A diplomat.
…a car body shop worker? — A dentist.
…a casino black jack dealer? — A cardiologist.
…someone who blows with the wind? — A draftsman.
…a lousy golfer? — A foreman.
…the manager of a political candidate? — An electrician.
…a currently well-grounded person? — A conductor.
…a guy who likes to pile up dirt? — A banker.
…a trampoline artist? — A bouncer.
…someone who won’t share? — A miner.
…a decision maker? — An optimist.
…someone who likes to put people away for good? — An internist.
…an expert on hemorrhoids? — An analyst.
…the head of a crime syndicate? — A vice-president.
…a policeman in traffic? — A director.
…a cemetery worker? — An engraver.
…one who writes high-brow music for drama? — An operator.
…a cab driver who gets under your skin? — A taxidermist.
…a Caucasian philosopher? — A paleontologist.
…one who shrinks from his responsibilities? — A contractor.
…a parking lot attendant? — A carpenter.
…seller of fruits and vegetables? — A producer.
…one who does not spread gossip? — A secretary.
…one who can’t be a secretary? — A teller.
…an anemic vampire? — An umpire.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Tuesday people, and remember whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

You can’t build a plot out of jokes. You need tragic relief. And you need to let people know that when a lot of frightened people are running around with edged weaponry, there are deaths. Stupid deaths, usually. I’m not writing ‘The A-Team’ – if there’s a fight going on, people will get hurt. Not letting this happen would be a betrayal. Terry Pratchett

 

I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that’s OK, who wants to be normal anyway? Tim Duncan

I don’t care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I’ll laugh because they’ll probably be funny. Paula Deen

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. Dolly Parton

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘Mmm hmm, yes, living here pisses off all the right people.’

Answer: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil! Another Kevin Spacey quote said in the movie ‘Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.’ After he was release from jail John Cusak asks if he’s still going to live there and that was his reply. I’m a huge Kevin Spacey fan so there may be quite a few of his quotes in this quiz. 

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???  ‘You from the slapaho tribe ain’t you?’

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Based on the clue in parentheses, find a four-letter word that can be inserted backwards into the blank to complete a longer word.

Example: di____ve (a defeat)

Answer: dissolve (“A defeat” gives you LOSS, which is placed backwards in the blank: di_SSOL_ve.)

1. dis____s (horse movement)

2. mi____ce (high mountains)

3. l____ion (a Mexican food)

4. s____ing (food skin)

ANSWER: 1. distorts (TROT – dis_TORT_s)

2. misplace (ALPS – mi_SPLA_ce)

3. location (TACO – l_OCAT_ion)

4. sleeping (PEEL – s_LEEP_ing)

Tuesday’s  Quizzler is……….

And now for more in the tradition of the Vowel-less Knights:

1. Mnds r lk prchts – th nl fnctn whn pn.

2. Bwr f smll xpnss, smll lk wll snk grt shp.

3. Prblms cnnt b slvd t th sm lvl f wrnss tht crtd thm.

 
 
 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

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