WELCOME to Monday, January 12, 2015.
The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say.
After going litter picking I found I was very knowledgeable in litterature.
I drove around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on my John Deere. I was on a track tour.
I asked a librarian if she was free this afternoon, she said she was all booked up.
If you can’t differentiate a blue collar and white collar worker by his hands, it is callous indifference.
I’ve baked you some rock cakes, take your pick.
I really would put my wife on a pedestal if she wasn’t so afraid of heights.
A cloud is most likely to snow when it’s relaxed. At that time it’s pretty chill.
Why do ship captains understand their sons so well? They’re able to fathom the depth of their buoys!
Parking – an average sovereign.
I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.
The sky has had its color since the first winds blue across it.
Never ask a podiatrist for conversions to metric – he only knows feet.
I take pictures of trees and plants while the sun is out. It really emphasizes photosynthesis.
November: We start the month out stuffing ballots to elect some turkey, we end the month stuffing a
turkey to increase our ballast.
The third degree is a diploma for successful criminals.
I went to go see the movie ‘Shrek’ last weekend, it was so ogre rated.
After a berry successful attempt to produce a new line of crops, her dreams came to full fruition.
remember whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Scientists have made a pill that tricks you into thinking your body is full. Unfortunately, it’s filled
with mashed potatoes and has 8,500 calories.” -Conan O’Brien
“A total of 71 lawmakers in the new Congress are freshmen. Their parents helped them move in
over the weekend.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“The newly elected congressmen and women from the midterm elections were sworn in today. This Congress will be the most diverse ever, with 104 women. That’s right, 104 female lawmakers. In other words, there’s going to be a lot of filibusters that go like this: ‘You know what you did.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous, “You have no arms!”
“No matter,” said the man, “Observe!”
He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, “Bishop, who was this man?”
“I don’t know his name,” the bishop sadly replied, “but his face rings a bell.”
Friday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Well, you believe what you choose, and I’ll believe what I know.’
Answer: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil! Kevin Spacey says this in ‘Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil’ to John Cusack.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Pick up your wife before she breaks the other leg.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What am I?
My first is in sound, but not in thunder.
My second is in noise, but not in poise.
My third is in outrage, but not in grater.
My fourth is in whimper, but not in whisper.
My fifth is in squash, but not in squelches.
My sixth is in mutter, but not in murmur.
My seventh is in gosh, but not in gasp.
My eighth is in yelp, but not in yell.
My ninth is in hoarse, but not in harsh.
My tenth is in eerie, but not in fairy.
My eleventh is in bliss, but not in bless.
My last is in splat, but not spilt.
ANSWER: onomatopoeia
This is a word whose sound suggests the sense (eg buzz and hiss).
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.
1. Local region of land -> Determine the number
2. Small -> A metallic element
3. Sarcasm -> A metallic element
4. Red gem -> Cause friction
5. Slick -> Foot covering
6. Prepared -> Understand something written
7. Analyse; learn -> House frame upright
8. Paralysis of a body part with uncontrolled tremors -> Friends
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. 
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