by eucman

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Thursday, January 22, 2015.   

Really Bad Puns for Thursday….
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the thief fell in the wet cement and broke both legs, he became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U. C. L. A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard; he did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road is pure poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell into an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blown-part.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“New research suggests that the first human conversations may have been about tools. Which means the second human conversation was, ‘Hey, can I get back those tools you borrowed?'” -Seth Meyers

“For the first time ever, ‘The View’ was beaten in the ratings by another daytime show called ‘The Talk.’ However, both shows are losing viewers to something called the ‘Off button.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: “I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone” 

 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? Have you been there all night?’  

Answer:  Spider-Man! Said by Harry (James Franco) to Norman (Willem Dafoe).

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Give me a milk. Chocolate.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

Below are incomplete words. Place two letters in each bracket so that you can complete the word on the left and begin the word on the right. Good luck.Emoji

Fu (–) am

Ed (–) ar

Dit (–) urch

Ju (–) eam

Ran (–) ese

Divi (–) bt

Pi (–) upt

Dro (–) rse

Tr (–) aze

Bud (–) nder

 

ANSWER: Fuse – seam  Edge – gear  Ditch – church  Just – steam  Range – geese  Divide – debt

Pier – erupt  Drove – verse  Tram – amaze  Budge – gender 

Thursday’s  Quizzler is……….

In a country, there are over 100 streets. Street 1 is named First Street, street 2 is named Second Street, and so on and so forth.

A traveler decides to walk through all these streets in the country. He could find all the streets except Street 62. No matter how hard he tried, he could not find it.  He later found that the locals had given the street another name.  What is the name?

 
 
 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING JOB BANKS!   EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

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