MORON AWARDS……..
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank’s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes Officer..that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle’s license plate still attached to the bumper.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“According to a new study, people who live near trees are richer, smarter, and healthier – and people who live in trees make more cookies.” -Seth Meyers
“New York’s JFK Airport has plans to open the world’s first airport terminal for animals next year. Not to be outdone, LaGuardia has announced plans to finally open a terminal for humans.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A new study says that children are suffering bad health effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern-day scrooge. One day during the winter the lake frozen over. The peddler realized that he could cut off two miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon. Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, “I’ll be darned if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!’
Answer: Goldfinger! Said by Auric Goldfinger to James Bond.
Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You can start by getting off my property and take that mud-duck with you.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher the musical instruments represented below?
1. P O
2. BA BA
3. ECLART
4. @ # $ %
ANSWER: 1. Piano (P and O) 2. Tuba (Two BA) 3. Clarinet (CLAR in ET) 4. Cymbals (Symbols)
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.
1. East – Up
2. West – Oak
3. Blog – Ranch
4. Over – Plaint
5. Outage – Ranger
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. 
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