by eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, January 28, 2015.   

Wright Pondering……….
 
I wrote a few children’s books… Not on purpose.
 
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
 
I installed a skylight in my apartment…. The people who live above me are furious!
 
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store… With a pricing gun… She said, “Give me all of the money in the vault, or I’m marking down everything in the store.”
 
While I was gone, somebody rearranged all the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in *exactly* the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: “Do I know you?”
 
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”
 
Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I’d be the only one who knew. People come over and I’m gonna say, “Go ahead, touch it… It feels real.”
 
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… So I never have to go upstairs.
 
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Let my soul smile through my heart and my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts.

Paramahansa Yogananda

 A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. – William Arthur Ward

 If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. – Andy Rooney

 Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. Dr. Seuss

 A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller

 Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried, could never please the Mother Superior. One day she comes up with an idea: since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood and build a fire in the fireplace to heat the place up. She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood. Subsequently, she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit. 

Later that night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace. Then Mother Superior comes in and yells, “Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit this instant!”

Sister Mary, crying, asks, “But Mother Superior, aren’t you happy that the abbey is warm?” To which the Mother Superior replies, “Yes, but when you ax, then ye shall re-sleeve.”  

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Not that mother-scratcher! Bill Parks!”

Answer: Raising Arizona! This is Machine Shop Ear-bender’s (M. Emmet Walsh) response to H.I. McDunnough’s (Nicolas Cage) question, “Bill Henderson?”. Newly married to police officer Ed (Holly Hunter), and trying to lead a straight life, ex-convict H.I. is heart-broken when Ed informs him that she cannot have children. Wanting a baby to share “the salad years” with, and adoption out of the question because of H.I.’s “checkered past”, they feel they have no other recourse but to kidnap a baby from the wealthy Arizona family, who have recently given birth to quintuplets. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “If there’s anything ya need – broads, blow, just dial ‘O’.” 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

You grasp my handle and give me a push.

I rotate and roll, doing my job.

You put pressure on me,

and I cause division.

Then you enjoy the fruits of my labor,

while I lie, cast aside, feeling cheesy and red of face. 

ANSWER: A pizza cutter. 

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

A different fruit (a total of twelve) is buried in every one of the following lines. 

Example: A word is considered ‘buried’ when it can be read like P A R I S in the sentence “Grand-pa(pa ris)es at seven every morning.”

Can you detect them?

Ah! If I get my good ship home

I’ll find a tempting spot,

Where mayhap pleasant flowers will bloom,

And there I’ll shape a charming cot.

Where bees sip nectar in each flower,

And Philomel on hawthorn rests,

I’ll shape a rustic, sun-kissed bower –

A bower meet for angel guests.

Then she who lives and loves with me,

Sing our days of calm repose,

Sole monarch of the flowers will be –

For Myra is indeed a rose.

 
 
 
 
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 
NICE WORK AGAIN BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. Emoji

         

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