by eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

short-fight-midgets

WELCOME to Wednesday, April 1, 2015.    

A Play on Words…..
 
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! I know because somewhere, somebody is laughing!  Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.”  –Lewis Carroll

“To play it safe is not to play.” –Robert Altman

“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places.” –Mark Twain 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A man in a restaurant opened his menu and read: Today’s Special: Tongue of Chicken

When the waitress walked to his table, he said, “Today’s Special is tongue of chicken?  That’s disgusting!  

I would never consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!”  The waitress said, “So what would you like to order?”

“Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs,” the man replied. 

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Come back and fight like a fish!”

Answer: Free Willy 2! Jessie’s half brother Elvis says to Little Spot, Willy’s little brother. Little Spot had squirted Elvis, and Elvis came back the next day with a water gun. Little Spot swam away when Elvis squirted him. I love the “Free Willy” movies. 

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Now, you see how that works, she screws with the shark and now the sharks, they’re screwing with us.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What is this rebus?
PinnAcLeS 
 
ANSWER:  Friends in high places. The word is “pinnacles”, which is another word for high places. The capitalized letters spell “pals”, another word for friends.The pals are in the pinnacles!

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence. 
 
Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)
 
1. Bit of brush
2. Opposite of unite
3. Writings of a steno
4. They affix without paste
5. Having less reason for fears
6. Animal that may need a shoer
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  
 

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