Still Pondering………….(Ask yourself these questions)
Is the reason Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?
If someone told you he was a chronic liar, would you believe him?
If a vacuum cleaner really sucks, is that good?
Why is the third hand on your watch called the second hand?
If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
If ghosts can walk through walls, why they don’t fall through the floor?
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
Why does Bugs Bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but he puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
Why aren’t greyhounds grey?
Why doesn’t the Washington Monument look like George?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why is common sense so uncommon?
Why does the Secret Service hold press conferences?
How do you get out club soda stains?
Do kleptomaniacs help themselves, because they can’t help themselves?
What was Captain Hook’s name before he got the hook?
Why is the only way to get a clear conscience to have a bad memory?
Can you plan to be spontaneous?
Would you kill for a Nobel Peace Prize?
If you had everything, where would you put it?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! I know because somewhere, somebody is laughing! Have a great weekend people and whatever
you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads. Conan O’Brian
California may force the city of Beverly Hills to cut its water use by up to 35 percent. So yet another tough break for Beverly Hills farmers. Conan O’Brian
McDonald’s has announced plans to unveil even larger hamburgers. They also announced plans to widen their doors and reinforce the floors. Conan O’Brian
John McCain responded to critics who say he’s too old for a sixth term by saying that his mother is 103 years old and doing well. The crazy thing is that even she is somehow younger than John McCain. Jimmy Fallon
The handwritten lyrics to Don McLean’s classic song “American Pie” were auctioned off the other day, and sold for $1.2 million. In fact, McLean already has dubbed April 7 “the Day the Music Paid for my Boat.” Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to be ze problem?” Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tocktick -tock’ anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.'” The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice, “Ve haf vays of making you tock!”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘What are you talking to me for, she’s the one with the gun.’
Answer: Double Jeopardy! Tommy Lee Jones said this in ‘Double Jeopardy’.
Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I guarantee that we’ll have tough times, and I guarantee that at some point one or both of us will want to get out, but I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you’re the only one for me.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
You are an expert on paranormal activity and have been hired to locate a spirit haunting an old resort hotel. Strong signs indicate that the spirit lies behind one of four doors. The inscriptions on each door read as follows:
Door A: It’s behind B or C
Door B: It’s behind A or D
Door C: It’s in here
Door D: It’s not in here
Your psychic powers have told you three of the inscriptions are false, and one is true. Behind which door will you find the spirit?
ANSWER: The spirit lies behind Door D.
If the spirit is behind Door A, then both B and D are true.
If the spirit is behind Door B, then both A and D are true.
If the spirit is behind Door C, then A, C, and D are all true.
If the spirit is behind Door D, then the statements on all the doors are false, except for that on Door B. This matches the rules, and therefore, the resort hotel spirit lurks behind Door D.
When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.
1. Firm earth -> Circular
2. Tomb; serious -> Talk wildly or madly
3. Dead spirit -> Person who entertains guests
4. Spectacles -> Young maidens
5. Happy, joyous -> Youth; boy
6. Precious metal -> Advanced in years
7. Increase in size -> Move a boat with oars
8. Large boat with oars -> Narrow back street
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
The World According to the Eucman! 