by eucman

Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

stupidity

WELCOME to Friday, April 17, 2015.   

Pondering for the weekend……….
 
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says — “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”, how can that be possible?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Because I know because somebody out there is laughing! Have a great Friday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

Governor Chris Christie says if he’s president, he will crack down on the sale of marijuana. However, that was before he was told it also comes in a brownie. Conan O’Brian! 

Former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez has been convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison. His lawyer plans to appeal. He’s trying to get the sentence reduced down to two seasons with the New York Jets. Conan O’Brian! 

Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048. Conan O’Brian! 

Olive Garden has announced that it will provide tablet computers at every table. And next step is providing Italian food. Conan O’Brian! 

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth.” ― William W. Purkey

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Bill was short of money and was out looking for a job. Pastor Nelson offered Bill $500 to buy paint and paint the church. Well Bill went out bough some paint and started painting the church. He discovered that he was using more paint than he expected so the added some thinner to the paint, well it is still covered but not as well as it did at first. Well he still was using more paint than he wanted to use so he added still more thinner to the paint. Well the paint was too thin cover well but Bill still kept on painting. All of a sudden there was a bolt of lighting and a loud voice from the sky proclaimed, “Repaint and thin no more.” 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Twin, oh Twin!’

Answer:  ‘Overboard’! Goldie Hawn said this in ‘Overboard’ when she couldn’t remember the name of Kurt Russell’s twin son in the movie.

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Well, I’m not trying to land him. I’m just using him for sex.’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Eliminate all 26 letters of the alphabet in alphabetical order, but not necessarily starting with ‘A’, to reveal a sentence.
 
sohmeitjkimlemsnthopeseqtresasteursvwcaxnydrziaveybcoduesifllgy
 
ANSWER:  Sometimes these teasers can drive you silly.

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

A potato’s key tool, I have all the power.
I am generally used on the half or full hour.
If my cells were deceased or lost or the such,
My partner would only respond to your touch.
 
What am I?
 
 
 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

  

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