by eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Wednesday, May 20, 2015.       

Really Deep Thoughts………
1. Why do pajamas have pockets?
2. Why do people sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” when they are already there?
3. Does anybody actually enjoy the music they hear when they’re on “hold”?
4. Why is it called a hamburger when it is beef?
5. Why are they called apartments when they’re all together?
6. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
7. How come permanents are temporary?
8. Before they invented golf balls, how did they measure hail?
9. Why aren’t they called bakies instead of cookies?
10. Why isn’t the word “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?
11. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
12. Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime?
13. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
14. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
15. If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
16. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
17. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make the Teflon stick to the pan?
18. Since cats always land on their feet & buttered toast always lands butter-side down, what would happen 
if you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and tossed it?
19. If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
20. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
21. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
22. Why is it cargo on a ship and a shipment in a car?
23. If the little indestructible black box is indestructible, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
24. Why is it that while you are driving and looking for
an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
25. Will they let you buy anything specific at a general store?
26. Where do you park if you work at a fire hydrant factory?
27. When will they make a decaffeinated coffee table?
28. What is another word for thesaurus?
29. What did cured ham have before it was cured?
30. What is an occasional table when it is not a table?
31. Why is abbreviated such a long word?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” 

–Dean Martin 

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” 

–Oscar Wilde 

“No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.” 

–Yogi Berra   

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”  Emoji

 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “We’ve been on the moon since the fifties. You wanna know how — anti-grav-drive. Antigravity drive, we stole it from the nazis after World War Two, its perfectly obvious.”   

Answer: Slacker! Spend a day with the slackers of Austin, Texas, as one after another pontificates on subjects ranging from anarchy to Smurfs, in Richard Linklater’s inventive directorial debut. “We’ve been on the moon…” is one of the many off-the-wall assertions of a science-fiction-nut type slacker as he follows a young guy through a residential Austin neighborhood.  

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “I’m gonna get a tattoo on my head — BRAIN DAMAGE!”

   

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you unscramble the countries in Part 1 and match them with the appropriate fact about them in Part 2? And your answer is?

Part 1    1. HCAIN  2. GRIINAE  3. PAJNA  4. SUKTROOAEH  5. MIKUDITDNENGO  6. HUFAIORSACT  7. MNAAORI

Part 2    1. This is the world’s most populous country.  2. The capital of this country is Abuja.  3. This is the only country to ever suffer an attack with atomic weapons.  4. The capital of this country is Seoul.  5. This country is a great industrial power despite the fact that it must import many resources.  6. The capital of this country is Pretoria.  7. Dracula’s home, Transylvania, is in this country.

 

ANSWER: 1. China: This is the world’s most populous country.  2. Nigeria: The capital of this country is Abuja.  3. Japan: This is the only country to ever suffer an attack with atomic weapons.  4. South Korea: The capital of this city is Seoul.  5. United Kingdom: This country is a great industrial power despite the fact that it must import many resources.  6. South Africa: The capital of this country is Pretoria.  7. Romania: Dracula’s home, Transylvania, is in this country. 

Wednesday’s  Quizzler is……….

My father gave me a brain teaser with two groups of words missing. The four words in each group are anagrams of each other. I’ve solved the first group, but I’m stuck on the second group. Can you help?

Time to decorate the Christmas tree! Putting up the lights was my job, but after that it was time to ENLIST some help. While the kids were busy adding TINSEL, I put on some music to LISTEN to; my favorite song is “SILENT Night”.

After we finished decorating the Christmas tree, I hung the stockings on the __1__. Feeling a chill, I looked down and had to __2__ my __3__ lapse; the fire was out. I threw on my __4__ and stepped out into the cold night to gather some firewood. Upon my return, we were soon roasting chestnuts and sipping eggnog to complete a wonderful evening.

  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. http://myinvitepay.com/?ref=225785


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