WELCOME to Friday, June 19, 2015.      

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

When the stars are out, they are visible,

When the lights are out, they are invisible.

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

C’mon, let’s polish the Polish furniture.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

How can ‘A Slim Chance’ and ‘A Fat Chance’ be the same?

How can ‘You’re so cool’ and ‘You’re not so hot’ be different?

Why are ‘A Wise man’ and ‘A Wise guy’ opposites?

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

Boxing rings are square.

A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

The farm was used to produce produce.

English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.

If brother becomes Brethren, why doesn’t mother become Methren?

If tooth becomes teeth, why doesn’t booth become beeth?

If one goose becomes two geese, why doesn’t one moose becomae two meese?

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

How come Writers write but Fingers don’t fing?

And Grocers don’t groce and Hammers don’t ham?

A hat in the plural doesn’t become hose.

And a cat in the plural doesn’t become cose.

A box in the plural becomes is boxes.

But an Ox in the plural never becomes oxes. (It becomes Oxen).

A lone mouse can transform into a whole set of mice,

But it’s impossible for a single house to become a whole block of hice. (It becomes houses).

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. ~H.L. Mencken

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their 

payroll to test things. ~Alan Coren

I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror. ~Flann O’Brien

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.~Groucho Marx

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that 

there is a nice man who wishes she were not. ~H.L. Mencken

The concerts you enjoy together/ Neighbors you annoy together/ Children you destroy together,/ That keep marriage in tact. ~Stephen Sondheim

The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy. 

Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol. 

Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast. ~Compton Mackenzie 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale. So all the cows stand up and brush themselves off and go back to their business. Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows are knocked to the ground, but the bulls just munch on the grass. Next, a hurricane comes through and all the cows are knocked into the next pasture. The bulls just say “moo.” Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and says, “Moo? What’s the mooing deal? How come the wind always knocks us for a loop and you just stand there unharmed ?” “Isn’t it obvious?” the bull replies. “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”  

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “You got a lotta potential Kitt DeLuca!” 

Answer: Pretty Woman! Near the end of the movie Vivian is moving out of the apartment after she gets back from her stay at the Regent Beverly Wiltshire. She offers these words of encouragement to Kitt. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable, or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?”

   

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

There was a death on Treebark Ln. The victim was identified as Mark Oswalt, who recently was married. The police went to the crime scene and they reported the death as a suicide. 

Later that day, after the police left, a private detective, hired by the victim’s friend who thought it was a murder, searched the crime scene and found a note the police missed.

It read,

“4,3: 8,1:_: 9,1: 2,1: 7,4:_: 6,1:9,3:_: 9,1: 4,3: 3,3: 3,2: !”

The detective took out his cell phone and started dialing the police to tell them about his findings. Once the detective opened the phone to dial, he immediately screamed out, “I SOLVED IT!”

Who was the murderer and how did the detective find out?   

Friday’s  Quizzler is……….

Place the same pair of letters onto both sets of blanks to complete a common word. Each answer will have a different pair of letters.

1. F __ __ G __ __ N T

2. P A __ __ T __ __ G

3. __ __ C K L I __ __

4. B __ __ D S T __ __ D

5. __ __ A F __ __ T

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD ONCE AGAIN GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE JOB BANKS!  

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.  https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

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