by eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 11, 2015.    

DMV
The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too messed up to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and collect insurance.” –Brian Kiley

“I was walking through the park last night and had a very bad asthmatic attack. These three asthmatics attacked me. I know…I should have heard them hiding.” –Emo Philips

“As an entertainer I travel a lot. I once saw a pin on a Delta Airlines employee and I asked him what ‘Delta’ stands for. He said, ‘Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive.'” –Adam Christing  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.

Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.Emoji 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘The stones are…in me.’   

Answer:  The Fifth Element! Just before the Diva dies, she tells Dallas where the ancient stones are hidden.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Help! Help! I’m being repressed!’

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. MARY SCHICK! SUPER SOLVING JOB MARY! Emoji

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can divide them any way you like as long as you use all the marbles. Then I will blindfold you and mix the bowls around. You then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK… you will die.”

How do you divide the marbles up so that you have the greatest probability of choosing a WHITE marble? 

ANSWER: Place 1 white marble in one bowl, and place the rest of the marbles in the other bowl (49 whites, and 50 blacks). This way you begin with a 50/50 chance of choosing the bowl with just one white marble, therefore life! BUT even if you choose the other bowl, you still have ALMOST a 50/50 chance at picking one of the 49 white marbles. 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What does each word in each group have in common?

Group A

A baby

A cow

A shoe

Group B

A duck

A restaurant goer

Congress

Group C

A river

A cave

A face

 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD ALSO GOES TO MS. MARY SCHICK! INCREDIBLE SOLVING MARY! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.

 

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