WELCOME to Wednesday, August 12, 2015.  

Groaners for today…..

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.”

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes in-verse.

In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Don’t join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.” 

–Vince Lombardi 

“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” 

–Thomas Jefferson 

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” 

–Pablo Picasso   

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

Milton, the first said, “I had a big house built for Mama.”

Marvin, the second said, ” I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house.”

Michael, the third said, “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”

Melvin, the fourth said, “You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me and expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture; just the same.”

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you!”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Help! Help! I’m being repressed!’

Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail! Dennis, the commoner, being attacked by Arthur after criticizing the office of King.   

Wednesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Or in your case, a whole loaf of toast.’

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

What does each word in each group have in common?

Group A

A baby

A cow

A shoe

Group B

A duck

A restaurant goer

Congress

Group C

A river

A cave

A face

ANSWER:  Group A- a tongue

Group B- a bill

Group C- a mouth 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

In a sylasearch I give you a syllable-starter, which is the first syllable in the words you are to find. I will also give you a listing of the other syllables that you must use to figure out the 7 words.

Syllable List – al, cras, fes, file, ly, mo, nate, noun, po, si, sion, tec, ter, ti, tion, tor

Syllable-starter: pro

How many syllables, each word has:

1. (2)

2. (2)

3. (3)

4. (3)

5. (4)

6. (4)

7. (5)

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org.