by eucman

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

AAbHVK2

WELCOME to Thursday, September 17, 2015.   

Getting OldER……………  

06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
It’s tougher to lose weight, because over time your body and your fat are really good friends.
A ‘late night’ now ends at 11 pm.
About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief”.
All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
The candles cost more than the cake.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
The clothes you’ve put away until they come back in style… have come back in style.
The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don’t give you a ticket.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
You answer a question with “Because I said so!”
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”
You buy trousers with the waist size larger than the length.
You can remember that your school desk had an inkwell with real ink.
You can remember when a stop sign meant STOP!
You can remember when coke bottles had the town location of the bottling company on the bottom.
You can remember when you could get a room at Motel 6 for six dollars.
You can remember when your milk shake came with two straws.
You carry an umbrella.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You develop a knack for wearing hats.
You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large. In that order.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
You don’t remember being absent minded.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!  

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY    

“A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to ‘going through the motions’ at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line.” -Jimmy Fallon

“On TV last night we named a new Miss America. Miss Georgia is the new Miss America at the 95th annual Miss America Pageant. Miss America is the highest honor a woman can achieve for getting a spray tan.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Mark Cuban, star of ‘Shark Tank,’ is now thinking about running for president. Still no word from the Cake Boss.” -Conan O’Brien

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

 A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: “There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year.” 

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I get away with it?”    

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s Napoleon.’ ‘Who?’ ‘The short, dead, dude from our history review.’ 

Answer:  Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure! Upon seeing their first phone-booth passenger.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘You, my room, 10:30 tonight. You, 10:45. And bring a friend.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

The same five-letter word can be added to either the front or back, but not both, of the following words to create four new words. Can you determine what the five-letter word’s identity is?

KEY  WALL  GEM  WASHED  

ANSWER: The word you need is STONE.

KEYSTONE, STONEWALL, GEMSTONE, STONEWASHED  

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Can you identify the following songs and their artists?

1) Refrain from halting, the first person, immediately. 

by Female monarch.

2) Multiple timepieces.

by Low temperature, stage production.

3) Unbleached, natural sweetener.

by Perpetual motion of small rock.

4) Sugary infant, belonging to me.

by Firearms & thorny plants.

5) Refrain from remaining, on your feet, near myself.

by Poisoned insect injection.

 

  

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! VERY NICE SOLVING WORK BANKS! EmojiEmojiEmojiEmojiEmoji

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. 

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