WELCOME to Monday, September 28, 2015. 

Collective nouns……………..

A jam of tarts

A sentence of judges

A load of cobblers

An expectation of midwives

An annoyance of neighbors

A melody of violinists

An impatience of wives

A conflagration of arsonists

An illusion of magicians 

An exaggeration of fishermen

A yearning of yesterdays

A ponder of philosophers

A nucleus of physicists

A portfolio of stockbrokers

A flush of plumbers

A corps of anatomists

A bodge of DIYers

A scoop of journalists

A decanter of publicans

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday and whatever you do, 

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

 

QUOTES FOR THE WEEKEND….      

“I saw that top congressional leaders sent a statement to the House and Senate with guidelines for Pope Francis’ visit. In addition to ‘no shaking hands,’ Congress was given a lot of rules about the Pope’s visit. First, there’s ‘Don’t fake-sneeze just to get an easy blessing out of the Pope.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Yogi Berra, Hall of Fame catcher and manager for the Yankees and Mets, passed away last week at 90 years old. A great catcher and a great character. He had so many classic quotes. Yogi Berra is the guy who said, ’90 percent of the game is half mental.’ He also said, ‘It’s deja vu all over again,’ and ‘It ain’t over till it’s over.’ He was known as much for screwing up metaphors as he was for baseball. ” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A pair of Ohio teens were caught this weekend using a beer bong to drink full two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew. It’s a rare case where the punishment is the crime.” -Seth Meyers   

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My sister didn’t do as well on her driver’s ed test as she’d hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: “When the ___ is dead, the car won’t start.”

She wrote: “Driver.” 

  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘That’s a picture one of my kids did. There’s Santa Claus, and there’s Mrs. Claus.’ ‘Honey, how many fingers does Mrs. Santa Claus have here?’ ‘Eleven.’ 

Answer: Scrooged! Frank Cross and his secretary, Grace. (Frank tears the picture down.) 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘Life is pain, get used to it.’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

On the wing, the breeze seduced me.

Newly born to take my flight.

From the darkness I did rupture.

From my prison, wrapped up tight.

Come to rest on petals of brightness.

All can see, my change is cast.

I flutter by in paper lightness.

And my species, they are vast.

Darwin wrote of my pure beauty.

I’m collected, caught in nets.

Forever free to dance my duty.

Never kept as pets.

What am I?   

ANSWER: I’m a butterfly.  

 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) overweight dam builder & symptom of a sick flying mammal

2) bottom of the ocean & an insect-bitten dog has this

3) a cooking utensil & a nosy admirer

4) the person in charge of clocks and watches & the result of exposing silent actors to the sun

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

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