WELCOME to Monday, December 7, 2015.   

Funny Thoughts for the Day…..

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a ‘Broker’?

Why isn’t there a mouse flavoured cat food?

Why do they call the airport ‘the terminal’ if flying is so safe?

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet. – Ancient Persian Saying

If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, why aren’t people from Holland called ‘Holes?’

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone Ella Wheeler Wilcox Funny Thought of the Day

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be. – Don Quixote

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,  

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“I personally am so excited about cyber Monday. I’ve been sleeping in a tent outside my computer since Friday.” -James Corden

“Pringles is selling a line of scented candles in the U.K. that smell like different Pringles flavors. They said they tried selling them in the U.S., but people ate them.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Last Monday was Cyber Monday, where Americans spent billions of dollars while shopping online. And next we’ll be celebrating What The Hell Is All This Wednesday?” -Conan O’Brien 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

To our shock and horror, my sister-in-law and I realized we had each been married nearly 30 years. “That’s a long time,” I observed.

“A long, long time,” she agreed. Then she smiled. “Something just occurred to me.” 

“What’s that?” 

“If I had killed your brother the first time I felt like it, I’d be out of jail by now.”   

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? ‘You’re no messiah. You’re a movie of the week. You’re a t-shirt, at best.’ 

Answer: Se7en! Spacey delivers one of the most disturbing performances.  

Monday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???. ‘Man is born crying. When he has cried enough, he dies.’ 

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) a circular depression & a part for a canine actor
2) a container for an alcoholic beverage & an insignificant insect
3) a container for a container & the bottom of a coffin

4) a cunning wolf relative & insect foot coverings  

ANSWER: 1) round hole & hound role

2) beer mug & mere bug

3) basket case & casket base

4) sly fox & fly socks 

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

One day, Bob and Hannah were sitting out on their deck, sipping on some drinks. Bob ran into the house, got an empty two-liter bottle from the freezer and a quarter, and returned to the deck.

“I bet you money that this quarter will move with nobody touching it.”

Hannah thought this was a sure win, however, she lost. When Bob placed the quarter on the mouth of the bottle, the quarter began jumping on one side and making popping sounds.

How did Hannah lose?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ 

 

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com.