WELCOME to Thursday, January 21, 2016.      

More Puns…………. 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

What’s the definition of a will? (Come on, it’s a dead giveaway!)

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Who ever invented the “Knock-Knock jokes” should get a No-bell prize

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

At the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?”

Where did the king put his armies? In his sleevies.

I changed my iPhone’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.

Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

What you seize is what you get.

I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.

Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar. It was tense.

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted, “Oh, pun the door!” 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“During a speech in Iowa this weekend, Bernie Sanders criticized the billionaire class and said they ‘can’t have it all.’ Billionaires would have responded but they were busy this weekend literally having it all.” -Jimmy Fallon 

“A resort in Mexico has opened the first underwater bar. Shortly afterwards it became host to the world’s slowest bar fight ever.” -Conan O’Brien

“A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day.” -Seth Meyers 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

As Reynoldo lit the votive candle at the grotto for San Jose de los Platanos and prayed for the healthy delivery of his first child, he heard a disembodied voice say, “Your daughter will be 17 inches long,” to which Reynoldo replied, 

“Do you know the weight too, San Jose?”   

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘You ruined my jacket! Kill him a lot!’  

Answer:   Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Amilyn said this when Pike cut his arm off on the roof of his van.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ‘I feel like I’m Hans Solo, and you’re Chewie, and she’s Ben Kenobi, and we’re in that freaked-up bar.’

What is this phrase?

King Garfield and Queen Felix

King Scooby and Queen Lassie   

ANSWER:  Raining (reigning) cats and dogs!

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

In these Word Pyramids, the first letter is given to you (which is the first answer). Use the clues to build the pyramid to find the answer. In each consecutive answer, a letter is added to the previous answer. However, the answer letters might not be in the same order. Good Luck!!

Starting letter: I

Clues:

1. 3.1415926535…

2. to cut, tear apart

3. a support for two adjacent bridge spans

4. first in excellence, quality, or value

5. —— State Building

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com.