WELCOME to Tuesday, February 16, 2016. 

1. Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas. 

2. Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels. 

3. Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn’t know how long the sentence would be! 

4. I never liked befriending assassins. They’re all backstabbers.  

5. Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper. 

6. They won’t know who robbed the Scotch factory until they check the tape. 

7. A man stole a case of soap from the corner store. The police said he made a clean getaway. 

8. When the shocked IRS agent was found guilty of tax evasion he had to take time to collect himself. 

9. How did Mister Nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall. 

10. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success.

11. I got a small ticket for speeding. It’s fine with me. 

12. When the gunman walked in, he turned the store into a flee market. 

13. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 

14. The international jewel thieves were hard to catch because they had a good ring leader. 

15. Coin counterfeiting is a bad mintin’ racket. 

16. The defendant in a coffee theft trial refused to testify on the grounds that could incriminate him. 

17. Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief? Because he wanted his diamondback.  

18. You heard about drug dealers being interrogated by the police? They do crack.  

19. The cat burglar was accused of felineous intent. 

20. I met two policemen in a lift, I realized then I was going down.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Presidents Day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

For success, attitude is equally as important as ability. Walter Scott

Death and love are the two wings that bear the good man to heaven. Michelangelo

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn. Ralph Waldo Emerson

 There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program – your tax-dollar will go further. Wernher von Braun 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Penny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the world. So she scrimped, and she saved, and she saved, and she scrimped until finally, one day, she had enough money to go on her ocean cruise. She booked passage on a cruise liner – first class all the way… The cruise started off in a grandiose scale, dancing and parties every night. But Penny was a cautious girl, so she never drank, but just danced the night away.

One night, after they had been at sea for a week, Penny was walking back to her cabin, when the heel on her left shoe broke throwing her off balance. If that wasn’t enough, the ship chose that moment to tilt to the left. As a result, Penny was thrown overboard. A hue and a cry were immediately raised, and after about five minutes they found Penny. Hauling her aboard, the ship’s crew realized that it was too late, poor Penny was dead.

Normally, they would have done a burial at sea, but as I said before, Penny was a very conscientious girl, and had written a will. In it, she specified that she wished for her body to be cremated, and kept in a jar on her parent’s fireplace mantel. Her wishes were fulfilled, which just goes to show you that a Penny saved is a Penny urned.

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “My dear, look a little frog.” 

Answer: Moulin Rouge! Said by The Duke, before he squishes the poor frog to death.  

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You can’t marry my wife!”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Which Disney movie is the misfit?

Hercules

The Lion King

Beauty and the Beast

The Jungle Book

The Aristocats

Pocahontas

Peter Pan

The Little Mermaid

Bambi  

ANSWER: Pocahontas! All the other movies have invented characters, whereas Pocahontas is based on a REAL American heroine. 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

This word has 10 letters namely

1234567890

1234 – carries heredity
456 – is a period of time
567 – is a pest
and 890 – is a charged particle
What is the word?

 

                                                              

    

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com.