WELCOME to Friday, February 19, 2016.   

1. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 

2. Have you read the book about teleportation? It’s bound to get you somewhere.  

3. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 

4. The punctual zombie was undead on time. 

5. During the Christmas shopping season the department store staff became bow legged 

after wrapping hundreds of gifts. 

6. The scientist had trouble reducing the liquid, he just couldn’t concentrate. 

7. I am always sad when I go to the dentist, so I put on music and listen through my blue tooth headphones. 

8. You use a lumberjack when your tree is flat. 

9. Before becoming a philosopher, Kant worked quality control on a vineyard. His most famous book is ‘The Critique of Pure Raisin.’ 

10. I am really getting tired of sleeping jokes!

11. Where do witches bake their cookies? In a coven. 

12. The man’s pants zipper broke, but he fixed it on the fly. 

13. Why did the cyclist not win the race? He wasn’t pumped up.  

14. What do you call keys born on the same day? Twinkies! 

15. Tire stores are highway rubbery. 

16. When the gastroenterologist retired, he threw in the bowel. 

17. Geometry shapes my life! 

18. The astronaut decided to give the aliens some space. 

19. I recycle. I just bought a used Harley. 

20. Some Missouri home designers are Ozark-itects.  

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!     

 

DAILY QUOTES….    

“A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They’re not.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator’s vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, ‘We have a vegetable drawer?'” -Conan O’Brien   

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.

The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.  

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “All I know is the choices we make dictate the life we lead. To thine own self be true!” 

Answer:  Renaissance Man! Danny DeVito stars in this wickedly funny movie about a down on his luck advertising executive, who ends up teaching a band of army misfits. He learns a thing or two as well. 

Friday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

Kemal and his parents are part of an expedition that is going to settle a new planet, called Pluvia Three. Kemal knows that at the colony site on the planet, the average temperature is 45 degrees Centigrade, average wind speeds are 8,000 meters per hour, the planet rotates on its axis 431 times for every time it goes around its sun, and each rotation takes a third longer than Earth’s. Rainfall is 254 centimeters per year, and gravity is about 78% of Earth’s. Kemal is allowed to pack any four items from this list of his favorite belongings.

down-filled parka 

battery-powered portable refrigerator 

Asian fighting kite 

baseball bat 

Mickey Mouse® calendar watch 

inflatable raft 

hockey skates 

book collection 

Which four items should Kemal pack? 

ANSWER: Kemal should pack his inflatable raft, refrigerator, baseball bat, and books.

45 degrees Centigrade = 113 degrees Fahrenheit 

8,000 meters per hour = 8 km per hour = 5 miles per hour 

431 revolutions (days) > 365 days in an Earth year 

254 cm = 100 in. of rainfall 

You can use an encyclopedia, the World Wide Web, or a call to your local weather station to get weather information for the place where you live. You will see that the Pluvia Three colony is very hot, not at all windy, and very wet.

Clearly, it is too warm for the parka or the hockey skates, and there is not enough wind to fly the kite. The Mickey Mouse® watch won’t be much use since the planet has a different calendar from Earth’s 365 days per year and 24 hours per day.

On the other hand, with all that rainfall, there must be lakes and seas where a raft would come in handy. Kemal would want to keep his snacks cool, so the refrigerator would be useful. It would be possible (and probably fun) to play baseball on a planet with lower gravity, although Kemal and his friends might want to make the diamond bigger than it would be on Earth because the ball will fly farther. Finally, you can read books anywhere. That’s one of the nice things about them.  

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Justin Case and Auntie Bellum are fellow con artists who deliver coded messages to each other to communicate. Recently Auntie Bellum was put in jail for stealing a rare and expensive diamond. Only a few days after this, Justin Case sent her a friendly letter asking her how she was. On the inside of the envelope of the letter, he hid a code. Yesterday, Auntie Bellum escaped and left the envelope and the letter inside the jail cell. The police did some research and found the code on the inside of the envelope, but they haven’t been able to crack it. Could you help the police find out what the message is?

This is the code:

llwatchawtfeclocklnisksundialcirbetimersool

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/  

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com.