WELCOME to Thursday, October 6, 2016.       

Nearly Paraprosdokianisms…..

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back!

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you 

will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There’s a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila (Diet Coke).

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Have a great day or pretend to!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!    

 

DAILY QUOTES….   

“I’ve never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.” -Mitch Hedberg

“Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?” –Lisa Claymen 

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.” –Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy  

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.” She wasn’t selected for the jury. 

 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “Allison, I am bad! I am so bad! I am so bad I should be in detention.”  

ANSWER: Easy Money! Julio (Taylor Negron), with the help of his friend, a la Cyrano de Bergerac, said this to Allison (Jennifer Jason Leigh) when he tried to win back her love.

Thursday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Who dumped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

ANSWER: Heck no! He’s playing you like a puppet. The first week, he calls 100 people, says to half that ABC will go up, and to the other fifty claims it will go down. When ABC goes up, he called the fifty he’d correctly predicted to and told half DEF would go up, and half it would go down. By the time he’s at week five, he has a few people (2-4) thinking he’s a stock market god.

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

LINKS: www.slampi.org., www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com, www.stlzoo.org