by eucman

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

1
WELCOME to Monday April 30, 2018.

REALLY?

I used to be a butcher, but I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.
I used to be an optician, but I made a spectacle of myself.
I worked on screen doors, but I strained myself.
I used to work as a hot-air balloon pilot, but my status was up in the air.
I used to work in a frozen food factory, but I got fresh and then they canned me.
I used to work in a dairy. I got fired for getting in the whey.
I lost my job at the massage parlor. I rubbed people the wrong way.
I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening.
I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate.
I tried to be a chef. I imagined it would add a little spice to my life, but I didn’t have the thyme.
I once was a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it. It was a so-so job.
I worked at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind.
I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
I tried to work at a deli, but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
I worked for a plumber, but that work was too draining.
I even worked as a lumberjack, but I couldn’t hack it. So they gave me the ax.
I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn’t fit in.
I became a fisherman, but couldn’t live on my net income.
I was a musician, but I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
I then got a job at a workout club, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in that!
I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t

forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

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DAILY QUOTES...

“Old Navy has announced plans to open 60 more stores this year. This is great news
for guys who say, ‘I love khakis, but I just wish they fell apart faster.'” -Conan O’Brien
 “A man who was bitten by a shark, a bear, and a rattlesnake in less than four years and
survived. The man thanked God he’s still alive, while God said,
‘What do I have to do to nail this guy?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new report, Amazon is working on a robot that follows its owner around
the house. It’s basically an Alexa on wheels. This is going to be a hot item. Here’s how
you get one: You leave your Alexa and your Roomba alone in a bedroom and
let nature take its course.” -James Corden 

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G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the
teacher was asking.

“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned
and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'” 😐😱😁
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘Holy Schniekies!’, ‘Son of a…’, ‘Did you eat paint chips as a kid?’

ANSWER:

Tommy Boy! He said ‘Holy Schniekies’ after he tried tipping a cow and ended face first in mud.  He said ‘Son of a…’ after he got hit in the head with the sail on his sailboat. Rob Lowe said this to Chris, after he sprayed him with water and he started dancing around.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!

‘Come on Mitch, unleash the fury, UNLEASH THE FURY!’

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Friday’s Quizzler is……….

Once, there was a lovesick tiger who fell in love with a lovely lioness. However, her pride rejected him, and they were not allowed to be together because he was different.

Heart sickness and grief caused the lovely lioness to lose all of her fur. Even though it was a sad sight, the tiger was overjoyed! Now he would shave off all of his fur. Then he could pretend to be a large lion and be with his beloved.

Unfortunately, they did not get to live happily ever after! His plan failed. Even with his fur gone,  everyone could tell he was a tiger.  Ignoring any obvious size differences, how did the pride know that he was obviously still a tiger?

ANSWER:

Tigers have striped skin as well as striped fur…


Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Begin with the word “SPARKLING” and take away one letter so as to leave a new word. Then take away another letter from the new word and leave a different word. Continue this, letter by letter, getting a new word every time until you finally leave one word containing only one letter. You must not disturb the order of the
remaining letters after a removal.





LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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