Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to
see if we can find the perfect present again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you’re stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.
If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight,
but did you know, it’s like camping.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
“A Colorado woman was tracked down by police after blowing up a microwave at 7-Eleven. Now, that’s not the crazy part – she did it while trying to heat a cup of urine. I sympathize with this woman, I know how it can be in the morning. I mean, don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my first cup of urine.” -James Corden
“A new poll has found that a majority of Americans say that driverless cars will have a big impact on the elderly. Specifically, if they don’t cross the street fast enough.” -Seth Meyers😁
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
ANSWER:All About Eve..
It also won 6 Academy Awards in 1950.
Group A
1. Inter
2. Knead
3. Torte
4. Bleat
5. Lance
Group B
A. Dining Board
B. Spotless
C. Saltpeter
D. Playful water mammal
E. Unclothed
Answer:
B. Lance = (5) Clean
C. Inter = (1) Niter
D. Torte = (3) Otter
E. Knead = (2) Naked
——————————————
Question 1
The answer to Question 2 is:
A. B
B. C
C. A
Question 2
The first question with correct answer B is:
A. Question 3
B. Question 1
C. Question 2
Question 3
The only answer you have not chosen yet is:
A. A
B. B
C. C
The World According to the Eucman! 