WELCOME to THURSDAY June 8, 2023
24 Simple Truths…..
- I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
- I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
- There is great need for a sarcasm font.
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories.
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know
that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. - Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
- I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any
changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. - I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
- I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. - I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile
because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said? - I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a
jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! - Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. - The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used
in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY!, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“They certainly give very strange
names to diseases.”
–Plato
“My mother had a great deal of
trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”
–Mark Twain
“It’s choice – not chance – that
determines your destiny.”
–Jean Nidetch
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two friends were out walking home from the bar one night.
“Shoot,” said the first guy, “as soon as I get home, I’m
gonna rip the wife’s nylons off!”
“What’s the rush?” his friend asked.
“The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me,” the first
guy replied. 😳😳😳
Wednesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“That’s because they don’t throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.”
Answer: Annie Hall!
In 1977’s “Annie Hall” the Best Picture comic masterpiece by Woody Allen, comedian Alvy Singer is dating the title character, played by Diane Keaton (who won the Best Actress Oscar). The film takes place in New York for the most part but does venture to Hollywood for a bit when Alvy and Annie visit there for an awards show. Annie admires how clean it is out there in California, prompting Alvy’s negative remark about Tv culture in Hollywood.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I’ve never felt more orderly in my life. It is a shattering and beautiful sensation. It is the exalted flow of the space-time continuum,
save that it is spaceless and timeless and… of such loveliness. I feel on the verge of some great, ultimate truth.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Yup, he’s back with more!!! Oxy, after finding that his first teaser had such great success,
decided to find some more oxymorons and come up with another brain teaser!
Now, your task is the same as last time:
Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are?
Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy
1) discovered lost
2) bigger part
3) sugary sour
4) sad humor
5) solitary in company
Answer: 1) found missing
2) larger half
3) sweet tart
4) tragic comedy
5) alone together
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
A Tom Swifty is a play on words. Tom speaks, and the way he is said to speak has two meanings. Both meanings could be true.
e.g. “I love hot dogs”, Tom said frankly.
The “frank” describes how he spoke and relates to the hot dog! [Frankfurter!]
The Tom Swifty can also use a phrase or homophone.
e.g. “You didn’t order enough carpet”, said Tom with a cold stare.
“Cold stare” expresses his annoyance and suggests uncarpeted stairs!
Choose one of the listed words or phrases to fill each gap.
- “I really don’t need that injection”, said Tom _.
- “Russian Roulette? Yeah, it’s my favorite game!” said Tom _.
- “Nay”, argued Tom _.
- “We just got back from a Mediterranean holiday”, said Tom _.
- “Oh…she must have fallen off the back of my motorcycle”, said Tom _.
** WORD LIST **
nicely, hoarsely, in vain, ruthlessly, mysteriously, blankly, winsomely, happily,
** CREATIVITY BONUS **
Complete this and maybe write your answer as a “Comment”.
“I can’t carry this”, said Tom _.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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