WELCOME to MONDAY July 31, 2023
Lexophile Punagraphy part 2….
- The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi. - I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. - She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class
because it was a weapon of math disruption. - The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat
said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’ - I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’ - The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
Not what the disciple says in public prayer, not what he preaches from pulpit
or platform, not what he writes on paper or in letters, but what he is in his
heart which God alone knows, determines God’s revelation of himself to him.
Character determines revelation. Oswald Chambers
When we yield to discouragement, it is usually because we give too much
thought to the past or to the future. Therese of Lisieux
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace.
And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
Jerry Bridges
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
REASONS TO BE A CHEMIST
- All the coffee and pocket protectors you could want!
- Clark Kent style safety glasses
- Exposure to all kinds of toxic and cancerous substances.
- The “opportunity” to deal with irate clients asking “where are my results?”
- Because it’s pHun 🙂
- Access to 100% pure ethanol
- Knowing how to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies
- You never have to worry about what you’re doing on Friday night (You’re working in the lab)
- Permanent goggle marks cheaper than a tattoo.
- You wish to be blamed for all faults in the environment.
- ditto for cancer
- You are adept at poverty cooking
- You prefer to get your course credits the hard way
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!”
Answer: “Carry On Cleo”
These famous words were cried out by Caesar, to nobody in particular (possibly a humourous cry for help) as he fled from his bodyguard, Bilius, who was trying to kill him. This was also the scene in which Caesar (played by Kenneth Williams) said the equally hilarious line “I may not be a very good live emperor but I’d be a worse one dead!” Jon Pertwee, who played the Doctor in “Doctor Who”, also played a small role as a soothsayer in this movie.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Now, boys, don’t get caught watchin’ the paint dry!”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
According to this rebus, what can be said about Kerry?
Answer: He has a “magnetic personality” (the letters on either side of each “personality” are chemical symbols, Fe being iron, which has magnetic properties; since Kerry’s personality attracts iron, his personality must be magnetic).
Monday’s Quizzler is….
The following ten words can be divided into two groups of five words. The words within each group will share a common characteristic. What are the two groups? Which words belong in those groups?
dam late lice linger per son stern tent under use
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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