WELCOME to WEDNESDAY August 2, 2023

Defining the Americans
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last
dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.

We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car
if it can’t go over 100 miles an hour.

Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education,
then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending
three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National
Leagues but don’t know half the words in the “Star Spangled Banner”.

We’ll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then
drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen-year-old son run wild.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can
make more money so we can move back to the farm.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we
are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to
park our car while eating a $.25 sandwich.

We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country
in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning
power up with our yearning power.

We’re supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth,
but we still can’t deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We have more experts on marriage than any other
country in the world and still have more divorces.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who
knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.”
–Will Rogers

“I haven’t slept for ten days, because
that would be too long.”
–Mitch Hedberg

“The ornament of a house is the
friends who frequent it.”
–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”
“I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”
“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.”
“Are you sure?” Al asked.
“I will check again, sir,” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was
still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”
When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”
“Are you really sure?” Al asked again.
“I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”
“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews,
Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews.” 😳😳😳😳😜😎

Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“The most important thing to remember is to protect your quarterback!

Answer: The Longest Yard (1974)
So says Paul Crewe (Burt Reynolds) to his makeshift offensive line. Crewe, a former NFL quarterback who winds up imprisoned in a southern labor camp, is nudged into assembling a team in order to test the warden’s semi-pro squad.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
Kemal and his parents are part of an expedition that is going to settle a new planet, called Pluvia Three. Kemal knows that at the colony site on the planet, the average temperature is 45 degrees Centigrade, average wind speeds are 8,000 meters per hour, the planet rotates on its axis 431 times for every time it goes around its sun, and each rotation takes a third longer than Earth’s. Rainfall is 254 centimeters per year, and gravity is about 78% of Earth’s. Kemal is allowed to pack any four items from this list of his favorite belongings.

down-filled parka
battery-powered portable refrigerator
Asian fighting kite
baseball bat
Mickey Mouse® calendar watch
inflatable raft
hockey skates
book collection

Which four items should Kemal pack?

Answer: Kemal should pack his inflatable raft, refrigerator, baseball bat, and books.
45 degrees Centigrade = 113 degrees Fahrenheit
8,000 meters per hour = 8 km per hour = 5 miles per hour
431 revolutions (days) > 365 days in an Earth year
254 cm = 100 in. of rainfall
You can use an encyclopedia, the World Wide Web, or a call to your local weather station to get weather information for the place where you live. You will see that the Pluvia Three colony is very hot, not at all windy, and very wet. Clearly, it is too warm for the parka or the hockey skates, and there is not enough wind to fly the kite. The Mickey Mouse® watch won’t be much use since the planet has a different calendar from Earth’s 365 days per year and 24 hours per day. On the other hand, with all that rainfall, there must be lakes and seas where a raft would come in handy. Kemal would want to keep his snacks cool, so the refrigerator would be useful. It would be possible (and probably fun) to play baseball on a planet with lower gravity, although Kemal and his friends might want to make the diamond bigger than it would be on Earth because the ball will fly farther. Finally, you can read books anywhere. That’s one of the nice things about them.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
This teaser is based on ‘funny’ alternative definitions a word could have if you broke the word up into its syllables and treated the syllables as words in themselves. I will provide a list of words and a list of definitions, it is your job to match them up.
They are meant to be a bit light hearted and may not have perfect pronunciation so work the words in your head a bit. Having the definitions should provide help in this regard. Also note that sometimes the ‘new word’ syllables may not only be using one syllable in the word.
An example would be:
Word: Contemplate “Con template”: A stencil that criminals are made from.

Words:
Subdued
Burglarize
Left Bank
Palpitations
Paradox

Definitions:
A preacher’s panic when he stutters with his words
What the robber did when his bag was full of loot
Two physicians
Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man
What a crook sees with

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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