WELCOME to MONDAY September 4, 2023
Here’s The Story…
There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried,
could never please the Mother Superior. One day she comes up with an idea:
since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood and build a
fire in the fireplace to heat the place up. She spent all day chopping, hauling
and stacking wood. Subsequently, she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit.
Later that night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted
to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace. Then
Mother Superior comes in and yells, “Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit this instant!”
Sister Mary, crying, asks, “But Mother Superior, aren’t you happy that the abbey is warm?”
To which the Mother Superior replies, “Yes, but when you ax, then ye shall re-sleeve.” 😳😳😳😎
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“A rare fish normally found only in the Amazon was caught yesterday in a
New Jersey pond. Researchers believe the fish got to New Jersey the
same way as everyone else: by giving up.” -Seth Meyers
“Facebook has just added a new tool for finding help during disasters. Unfortunately,
then Facebook shows you photos of your friends having a much
better time during their disasters.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new study found that most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. But since
the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe.” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the
life of him, he couldn’t get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up
the local zoologist and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes
and looked at them. “You know what I would do?” she said. “See that tree over there?
Chop it down, chop off a good-sized log, split the log in two, and make two tables out
of them. Put the tables and the snakes into a cage and let them go at it.”
Well, the breeder thought that this was insane, but having no other options, he tried it.
Sure enough, a few days later he had a whole slew of baby snakes. He called up the zoologist,
and asked her how that was possible. She replied, “Well, you see, those snakes were adders.
And everybody knows that to get adders to multiply you need log tables. 😳😳😳😎
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know”
Answer: “Animal Crackers”.
Groucho Marx was notorious for his comebacks and non sequiturs in conversations. He made this aside to the audience in general, simply as a wisecrack, as he was portraying the wild game hunter, Captain Spaulding. The quotation continues, “Then we tried to remove the tusks.
The tusks. That’s not so easy to say, tusks…but they were embedded in so firmly we couldn’t…of course, in Alabama the Tusk-a-loosa. But, uh, that’s entirely ir-elephant…” He and his four brothers made many wacky films as well as stage productions that were extremely popular when burlesque was king. Together they made “A Night at The Opera”, “A Day at The Races”, “Duck Soup”, “The Big Store” and many others. Groucho later hosted the t.v. show “You Bet Your Life!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“We rob banks.”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
In Animal world all the best competitors from all over the world are warming up for the big animal olympics.
The first olympic games is the 100 meter dash. Can you figure out who is which animal, and how they placed?
Names- Tina, Aaron, John, Jessica, and Jamie
Animals- dog, cat, horse, mouse, and monkey
Clues:
- Aaron finished either 2nd or 3rd.
- The animal that finished 2nd was the monkey.
- Aaron is not a cat or mouse.
- Jamie is not a cat or monkey.
- Jamie did not finish 4th or 5th.
- The animal that finished 4th is not the cat or dog.
- Neither John nor Jessica finished 4th.
- John is the horse.
- Jessica finished in 3rd.
ANSWER: Tina-4th-mouse
Aaron-2nd-monkey
John-5th-horse
Jessica-3rd-cat
Jamie-1st-dog
Monday’s Quizzler is….
Having arrested John Jacobson, the man who kidnapped Bill Richman, a party was held in
Detective Donald’s honor. However, to test Donald’s smarts, Bill Richman sent Donald this paper:
Dear Donald,
To get to the party, drive to Green Road, where there will be a row of eleven houses that
look exactly the same. One of them is my house. Which one, you ask? Well, you’ll have to find out with these clues:
My house is not the one on the left.
I have exactly two neighbors.
Do not enter the third one, because it’s not my house.
Don’t enter the ninth one either.
Lose the thought of entering the three houses on the very right.
Erase the thought of entering the houses on the left, too.
Okay, enough hints. Which house do I live in? If you think there’s not enough clues, think again!
Donald read it over a couple times and drove to the house where the party was being held.
Which house in the row did Bill live in?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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