WELCOME to MONDAY September 25, 2023

A Dictionary for Women……
Argument
(ahr•gyoo•munt) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right and continues until he realizes it.

Airhead
(eyr•hed) n. An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.

(bar•buh•Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions,
marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends.”

Blonde jokes
(blahnd joks) n. Jokes short enough for men to understand.

Cantaloupe
(kant•e•lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer
(kloze drI•yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda
(dI•it so•duh) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Diamond
(dI-mun) n. Something you think should be on your finger, but he can only see in a baseball park.

Eternity
(e•ter•ni•tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise
(ex•er•siz) v. Walking up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery list
(grow•sree list) n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hairdresser
(hare dres•er) n. A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.

Hardware store
(hard•wer stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space: once he goes in, he isn’t coming out any time soon.

Housework
(haws•wrk) n. Work around the house including moping and washing dishes.

Childbirth
(chIld•brth) n. You go through 36 hours of contractions. He holds your hand and says, “focus…breathe…push….”

Lipstick
(lip•stik) n. On your lips, a color to enhance your beauty of your mouth. On his collar, a color only a tramp would wear.

Park
(pahrk) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning “a place with a swing set and slide”.

Patience
(pay•shuns) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers.”

Waterproof mascara
(wah•tr•pruf mas•ka•ruh) n. Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it.

Valentine’s Day
(va•lun•tInz dae) n. A day when you dream of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“The number of shark attacks around the world increased by 25 percent.
With the economy like it is, more and more sharks are turning to crime.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“China reportedly scrubbed the images of Winnie the Pooh from social media
over the weekend, after users compared the character to their president.
Though it seems like it would just be easier to just get their
president to put some pants on.” -Seth Meyers

“A new study found that people with a lot of phobias are more likely to have
health problems. Or as those people put it, ‘I was afraid of that.'” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped.
The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate.
A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change
in the swamp water, simply couldn’t stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully.
The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs’ togetherness, which
included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed
some monosodium glue to mate. 😳😳😳😎

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Ah. Well… I attended Juilliard… I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen “The Exorcist” about a hundred and sixty-seven times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it… not to mention the fact that you’re talking to a dead guy… now what do you think? You think I’m qualified?”

Answer: Beetlejuice!
The scene for this quote comes as Betelguese explains his qualifications to Barbara and Adam Maitland (Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin) for scaring away the living inhabitants of their former home.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I had to live with that squealing, corpulent little toad all these years. God, I hate that woman. I – I – I hate the way she licks stamps! I hate her furniture! And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Duffus had a bit of a lead foot when it came to driving. One day Duffus came flying through town at warp speed right past two cop cars parked at the donut shop. The police quickly followed Duffus with sirens blaring as Duffus ran several red lights. Duffus finally came to a halt. The officers and Duffus leaped from their vehicles and had quite an emotional discussion. After all Duffus had done, he did not receive a ticket. Why not?

ANSWER: Duffus had taken a job as an ambulance driver and was on his way to an emergency call. The police were joining him. The “emotional discussion” was about how to best help the victims.

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
My work is based on give and take
I can make a difference by a handshake
The older I get the smaller I grow
And my best friend is my worst foe

What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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