WELCOME to WEDNESDAY September 27, 2023
Twenty Things a Guy Learned From Action Movies
- No matter what my problem is, it’s the fault of someone other than myself, and the
appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands. - To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can
tell whether she’s cold or not from across the room. - There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to have relations with you,
and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old. - If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won’t he
fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me. - If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to
perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day. - If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
- If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
- Anyone who isn’t a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a sissy.
- If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
- My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father,
and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands. - When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or
troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most
receive a ‘flesh wound,’ which will be tended to by a beautiful woman. - Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three
seconds before one does to stop it from exploding. - If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
- If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
- If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
- If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type,
I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me. - If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like ‘Rick,’ or ‘Steve.’
- Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, “When’s the last
time you got any sleep?” They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet,
although I apparently never do those things either. - The aliens will always be overpowered by the humans in the end though their fighting
may result in a lot of casualties and destruction. - If everyone in a team dies, it’s the last man’s job to win the fight against his enemy.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“To improve is to change; to be perfect
is to change often.” -Winston Churchill
“I can’t change the direction of the wind,
but I can adjust my sails to always reach
my destination.” -Jimmy Dean
“If you don’t like something, change it. If
you can’t change it, change your attitude.” -Maya Angelou
“Education is the most powerful weapon
which you can use to change the world.” -Nelson Mandela
“The secret of change is to focus all of your
energy not on fighting the old,
but on building the new” -Socrates
“Since we cannot change reality, let us
change the eyes which see reality.” -Nikos Kazantzakis
“There is nothing permanent
except change.” -Heraclitus
“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at
the same time; what we really want is for things to
remain the same but get better.” -Sydney J. Harris
“Change before you
have to.” -Jack Welch
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over
the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The
stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
seat thought to herself “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red
again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat
was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road
and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right
through and she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just
ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!”
Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, am I driving?” 😳😳😳😎
Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
His eyes are darting warily (but wisely – it seemed like he’d seen it all before, more or less):
“That is the sound of a thousand terrible things headed this way!” he announces, mostly prepared to save the day.
She glances up, an expression of world-weary wisdom adorning her face: “You haven’t switched from liquor to dope, by any chance, have you?” she responded, a bit numb in regard to situations in general, but this one (and him) in particular.
Answer: “Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace”
In 1999 the “Star Wars” films sort of started anew – but went backwards doing it – returning Luke Skywalker to his childhood. The quote here comes from Qui-Gon (Liam Neeson), Jedi guy unmatched in various talents, as he goes about saving the planet Naboo (and Queen Amidala, or Natalie Portman, who reigns there). We get to meet young slave boy Anakin Skywalker, the endearingly odd Jar Jar Binks, noisy little R2-D2 and, of course, Obi-Wan Kenobi (played by Ewan McGregor) who was just a mere Jedi wannabe at this point in the story. Without much trouble, the film grossed $924.3 million in the U.S. alone!
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
A flustered fellow, maybe a little green (overwhelmed?) around the edges, hollers: “No! I mean,
uh, what is this world coming to when a man’s… pajama drawer is no longer safe?”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
What do these sentences have in common?
1) Perfect opinions use no deadlines.
2) Doctors originally lose love around royalty.
3) Yellow engines nominate.
4) Friends realize any nonsense comes.
5) Even unusual rags overcome.
ANSWER: Combine the first letters of each word to form a type of currency:
1) P.O.U.N.D.
2) D.O.L.L.A.R.
3) Y.E.N.
4) F.R.A.N.C.
5) E.U.R.O.
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
What common saying is represented by the following?
Thought: $19.95
Idea: $29.95
Speech: $1.95
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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