WELCOME to WEDNESDAY December 27. 2023
Holiday Eating Tips
- Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls. - Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch,
it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any
other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories
in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something.
It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas! - If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy
does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.
Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. - As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk.
If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. - Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The
whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello? - Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do
that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. - If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies
in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many
as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again. - Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like
mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you
get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? - Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards. - One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the
table, you haven’t been paying attention.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Christmas is that magical time of the year when we’re forced to spend
money we don’t want to spend to travel to places we don’t want to go
to see the people we really don’t want to see.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“According to a new survey, 75 percent of employees would rather get
a cash bonus than spend time with coworkers at a holiday party. All I
can say to my staff is, ‘See you at the holiday party.'” -Conan O’Brien
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
I wondered if I could get my husband to help me address Christmas cards,
as I had so much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully
pulled up a chair and said, “Come on, Dear, let’s get these out of the way.”
He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den,
only to return moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed,
and addressed. “They’re last year’s,” he said. “I forgot to mail them.
Now let’s go out to dinner and relax.” 😳😳😎
Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Green is nice!” – the car was red!
Answer: In “Running On Empty” (1982), Max Cullen (no relation to Mad Max) delivered this line
after asking the colour of a car, he was blind as a bat and drove a black ’57 Chevy at night, at high speed, with NO lights.
An oldie but a goody.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Under what rule were the prisoners shot?” – [Lead character] “We shot them under rule 3 0 3!”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
Last week, the local Primary school was visited by the Government School Inspector
who was there to check that teachers were performing well in their respective classes.
He was very impressed with one particular teacher. The Inspector noticed that each
time the class teacher asked a question, every child in the class put up their hands enthusiastically to answer it.
More surprisingly, whilst the teacher chose a different child to answer the questions each time, the answers were always correct.
Why would this be?
ANSWER: The children were instructed to ALL raise their hands whenever a question was asked.
It did not matter whether they knew the answer or not.
If they did not know the answer, however, they would raise their LEFT hand.
If they knew the answer, they would raise their RIGHT hand.
The class teacher would choose a different child each time, but always the ones who had their RIGHT hand raised.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
What is represented by the following?
HANY
HAEY
HAEY
HADY
HALY
HAEY
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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