WELC0ME to TUESDAY January 9. 2023
MURPHY’S LAWS ON WORK
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will
happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one
you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the
boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. This is what I’m doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for
everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance,
The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T …).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to
the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An “acceptable” level of employment means that the government
economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one’s own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure. 😳
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask
where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
—Mitch Hedberg
“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”
—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
“My mother always used to say: The older you get, the
better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday,
until I find out why no work is getting done”.
Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.”
A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct
quote from the Boss: “We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired.”
My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That’s because it’s unfamiliar territory.
My Boss said to me ” What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.
My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too … but at least I respect him.
He’s given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs
rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.
Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.
Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution:
” I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my
decision for the outcome of this project!”
Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
‘Teacher says that if we keep the Snakes’ head and tail apart, he can be beaten’.
Answer: Five Deadly Venoms!
This quote is from the sixth pupil, as he explains to Lizard on how to beat each Venom. By separating the head and tail from the Snake, you can make him vulnerable for the deadly attack. Although he is taught all of their styles, he doesn’t learn enough because the teacher becomes ill.
The teacher says that if he joins forces with one of the Venoms, he would be able to destroy the other four Venoms, if in fact they are evil. Lizard and the sixth pupil join forces to kill the other Venoms who are after the treasure.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘I’m here to fix your broken Kung Fu’.
Monday’s Quizzler is….
** or Hyphen-Word Hunt! **
Some English words are usually paired with a hyphen. The rules for this are interesting to browse, and some word pairs can even be correctly written in three different ways – e.g. playgroup, play group, or play-group.
This teaser invites you find a commonly hyphenated word-pair inside a pair of words.
e.g. undisCLOSEd – cUPbearer gives us CLOSE-UP
CLUES
- Drunken – King
- Proliferate – Synthesizer
- Pothole – Dehumidifier
- Superclean – Prosecutor
… and a triple! - Acknowledge – Excited – Footballer
Meanings or synonyms are provided in the Hint below, but be careful – these might make it too easy.
ANSWER: 1. RUN-IN
- LIFE-SIZE
- HO-HUM
- CLEAN-CUT
- KNOW-IT-ALL
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
There are five weather forecasters getting ready for a weekend forecast. Each forecaster is predicting different weather and is choosing a suit and “tie” (yes, the women, too) of different color combinations. There are 3 men (John, Matt and Tim) and 2 women (Karen and Sarah).
Can you determine the color of the suit, the color and pattern of the tie, and the weather prediction for each forecaster?
- The forecaster who wore a black suit did not predict snow or rain.
- Many viewers called in to comment on the whimsically printed tan tie and brown suit combination.
- The five forecasters were: Matt, the woman who predicted high winds, the person in a black suit, the man with a striped tie, and the woman in an olive suit.
- A solid white tie was chosen to represent the snowy forecast that day.
- John’s orange tie was hated by his wife.
- Sarah had a teal colored tie which was not floral.
- Tim predicted sun and did not wear brown or black.
- The man who predicted rain did not wear a striped tie.
- The blue suit was worn by a man.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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