by eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELC0ME to TUESDAY January 16. 2024

Books on Tape We Don’t Want to Hear
by Scott Corliss

  1. The Communist Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan
  2. The Torah as read by Louis Farrakhan
  3. The Koran as read by Sammy Davis Junior
  4. The Bible as read by Madeleine Murray O’Hare
  5. Walden as read by James Watt
  6. The Anarchist’s Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky
  7. How To win Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman
  8. Europe on $10 a Day as read by Steve Forbes
  9. The Godfather as read by John Gotti
  10. Mr. Boston’s Bar Guide as read by Ted Kennedy
  11. Heather has 2 Mommies as read by Jesse Helms
  12. The Diary of Anne Frank as read by Jesse Jackson
  13. The Physician’s Desk Reference as read by Dr. Jack Kevorkian
  14. Catcher in the Rye as read by Mark Chapman
  15. Uncle Tom’s Cabin as read by George Wallace
  16. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus as read by 2 Live Crew
  17. The Cat in the Hat as read by BF Skinner
  18. Where the Wild Things Are as read by Michael Jackson
  19. A Rumor of War as read by Bill Clinton
  20. Presumed Innocent as read by OJ Simpson
  21. The Joy of Cooking as read by Karen Carpenter
  22. Bridges of Madison County as read by Howard Stern
  23. I’m Ok You’re Ok as read by Rush Limbaugh
  24. The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test as read by Bill Bennett
  25. No One Gets Out of Here Alive as read by Kurt Cobain
  26. Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail as read by Richard Nixon
  27. Moby Dick as read by Jonah
  28. The Pledge of Allegiance as read by Mahmud Abdul Rauf
  29. Fear of Flying as read by Ron Brown
  30. Thirty Days to a Stronger Vocabulary by Homer J. Simpson
  31. Success for Dummies as read by Ross Perot 😳

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is
to change often.” -Winston Churchill

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can
adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” -Jimmy Dean

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t
change it, change your attitude.” -Maya Angelou

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can
use to change the world.” -Nelson Mandela

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not
on fighting the old, but on building the new” -Socrates

“Since we cannot change reality, let us change the
eyes which see reality.” -Nikos Kazantzakis

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

Signs You’re Really Broke
American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!”
Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.
You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
You’ve rolled so many pennies, you’ve formed a psychic bond with Abe.
Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.
Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%.
You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
You receive care packages from Europe.
Your bologna has no first name.
You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.
You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
You give blood everyday – for the orange juice.
McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
Consumer Credit Counseling services said “No.”
The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets. 😳

Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
‘Don’t tell me all the men of Shaolin have become cowards’,

Answer: 36 Crazy Fist!
Here Hung Tai Kung and his master are being taunted by Mo Do Tek (aka The Rent Collector), because Hung has beaten or killed most of his pupils. He uses this quote because Hung Tai Kungs’ former master is trying to talk Mo Do Tek out of fighting him. Hung learns some Kung Fu techniques from a beggar and his pupil, who then join forces to defeat Mo Do Tek in the end.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘What style is that?’ ‘Well if you must know, it’s the Preying Mantis style.’ ‘Well this is the Snake’.

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Feed, good, and kiss are 3 examples of words with double letters. Use the clues
and fill in the blanks to find words with consecutive double letters. Remember,
these words have 2 sets of double letters in a row!

  1. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a…
    B _ _ _ _ _ N
  2. Body modification.
    T _ _ _ _ O
  3. A Group of people.
    C _ _ _ _ _ _ _ E
  4. Acuteness or acumen.
    K _ _ _ _ _ _ S

—Experts Only!—

  1. Kangaroos, dingos, and kookaburras!
    C _ _ _ E

ANSWER: 1. Balloon
Clue: It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a…
The first balloon was invented in 1709. Now, balloons are used as an airship design, in celebrations, and even in medicine! Military use of the balloon first occurred in the American Civil War in map-making and in signaling armies. Now, hot air balloons can be seen and ridden during parades and festivals.

  1. Tattoo
    Clue: Body Modification
    Tattooing is a form of body modification. Many cultures all over the world practice tattooing. The first tattoos were found on ancient Egyptian mummies and on “Otzi the Iceman,” who was found frozen in the Italian Alps!
  2. Committee
    Clue: A group of people.
    Committees are often formed when a group of people need to make a decision. They can range in size from just a few people to a very large group of people. The most well-known examples of committees are in government where committees are delegated to decide on legislation.
  3. Keenness
    Clue: Acuteness or acumen.
    Keenness is a synonym for acuteness, acumen, brilliance, cleverness, and other similar words. The word ‘keen’ comes from an Old English word that means brave.
  4. Cooee
    Clue: Kangaroos, dingos, and kookaburras!
    Cooee is a chant used in the Australian Outback. It is usually shouted to attract attention, indicate one’s location, or find missing people. Sherlock Holmes used his knowledge of this word to solve “The Boscombe Valley Mystery.” (Written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
Based on the clue in parentheses, find a four-letter word that can be inserted
backwards into the blank to complete a longer word.
Example: di____ve (a defeat)
Answer: dissolve (“A defeat” gives you LOSS, which is placed backwards in the blank: di_SSOL_ve.)

  1. dis____s (horse movement)
  2. mi____ce (high mountains)
  3. l____ion (a Mexican food)
  4. s____ing (food skin)

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
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☹

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