WELC0ME to WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 14. 2024
A Dictionary for Women
Argument
(ahr•gyoo•munt) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right,
and continues until he realizes it.
Airhead
(eyr•hed) n. An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.
Bar-be-que
(bar•buh•Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes,
diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends.”
Blonde jokes
(blahnd joks) n. Jokes short enough for men to understand.
Cantaloupe
(kant•e•lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer
(kloze drI•yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet soda
(dI•it so•duh) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Diamond
(dI-mun) n. Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see in a baseball park.
Eternity
(e•ter•ni•tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise
(ex•er•siz) v. Walking up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery list
(grow•sree list) n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair dresser
(hare dres•er) n. A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.
Hardware store
(hard•wer stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space: once he goes in,
he isn’t coming out any time soon.
Housework
(haws•wrk) n. Work around the house including moping and washing dishes.
Childbirth
(chIld•brth) n. You go through 36 hours of contractions. He holds your
hand and says, “focus…breathe…push….”
Lipstick
(lip•stik) n. On your lips, a color to enhance your beauty of your mouth.
On his collar, a color only a tramp would wear.
Park
(pahrk) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.”
After children, a noun meaning “a place with a swing set and slide”.
Patience
(pay•shuns) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage
and children. See also “tranquilizers.”
Waterproof mascara
(wah•tr•pruf mas•ka•ruh) n. Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower,
or swim, but not when you try to remove it.
Valentine’s Day
(va•lun•tInz dae) n. A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds,
and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“A new story came out that more and more babies are being named after Instagram filters.
The good news about naming your daughter after an Instagram filter like Sierra, Willow, or
Lux is that she won’t have to change her name if she becomes a stripper.” -James Corden
“Sesame Street announced that they have fired several of their long-time cast members.
These layoffs were brought to you by the letters F and U.” -Conan O’Brien
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
- The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
- Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
- Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
- A dog’s parents never visit.
- Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
- You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
- Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
- Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
- A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
- If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
- A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
- If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
- Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least: - If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff. 😳
Tuesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“All you’ve ever NEEDED has always been right inside you”
Answer: “The Wizard of Oz”
Ending this quiz on a truly inspiring quote, this is said by the good witch Glinda, from “The Wizard of Oz”, to the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion. She explains that the protagonists, who each sought out the Wizard to request something they felt they sorely lacked, actually had the abilities they were so desperately seeking – they just needed to believe in themselves and unlock their abilities. Glinda follows this up with several examples of where these characters, during their journey, have demonstrated the very traits they believed they lack.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You’re a Jedi Knight, aren’t you?”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
A Tom Swifty is a play on words. Tom speaks, and the way he is said to speak is a pun – both meanings are relevant.
e.g. “I love hot dogs”, Tom said frankly. “Frank” connects how he spoke and the hot dog! [Frankfurter!]
The Tom Swifty can also use a phrase or homophone.
e.g. “You didn’t order enough carpet”, said Tom with a cold stare.
“Cold stare” expresses his annoyance and suggests uncarpeted stairs!
Choose one of the listed words or phrases to fill each gap.
** CLUES **
- “No, don’t come in. I’m changing!” said Tom _.
- “This is a grave situation”, said Tom, _.
- “Hooray! The radio reception is clear again”, said Tom _.
- “So? Buy a proper pencil sharpener!” said Tom _.
- “I’m going to be head of the CIA in a few years”, said Tom _.
** WORD LIST **
bluntly, fondly, graciously, aspiringly, hopefully, ecstatically, in fun, briefly, cryptically, cautiously
ANSWER: 1. briefly
- cryptically
- ecstatically
- bluntly
- aspiringly
If you really need an explanation, scroll down…
Tom Swift was an adventure hero created by American writer Victor Appleton. In the books, many of Tom’s remarks were written with an adverb or adverbial phrase. From this style, the term “Tom Swifty” has come to be used for this form of word play.
** EXPLANATIONS **
- Briefly = in his briefs!
- Crypt is another name for a grave; a hint of mystery.
- It sounds like ex-STATIC-ly (static spoils a radio signal).
- The pencil was blunt and so was the way he spoke – harshly.
- Aspiringly means “with ambition” – but it sounds like “a-SPY-RING-ly”!
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Given the word STANDARD, take away two letters and add three digits to make a logical sequence.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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