WELC0ME to FRIDAY FEBRUARY 16. 2024
How Older Kids Put It….
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating
the world so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was
Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day,
but a ball of fire during the night.
Sampson was a strongman who let himself be
led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
bread which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses
went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his
son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought
the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When the three wise guys from the east side
arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before
they do one to you. he also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
When St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy
acrimony which is another name for marriage.
Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“To improve is to change; to be perfect
is to change often.” -Winston Churchill
“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust
my sails to always reach my destination.” -Jimmy Dean
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it,
change your attitude.” -Maya Angelou
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can
use to change the world.” -Nelson Mandela
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not
on fighting the old, but on building the new” -Socrates
“Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes
which see reality.” -Nikos Kazantzakis
“There is nothing permanent except change.” -Heraclitus
“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time;
what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” -Sydney J. Harris
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other
for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get
married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman
decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
‘How do you feel about relations?’ he asked, rather tentatively.
‘I would like it infrequently’ she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over
towards her and whispered, ‘Is that one word or two?’
Thursday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Wind in the sails. Wind in the sails.”
Answer: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
While Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is recruiting a crew to go after the Black Pearl, he is surveying a
motley selection of sailors and asks Mr. Cotton a question. As a mute he cannot answer,
so the parrot answers for him. Jack accepts the answer as a “yes”.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Mom, I need your other hand.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
It’s rush time at Lotsa Lattes, the popular downtown coffee shop. Jamie, the poor barista, just
had 5 orders told to her over the sound of the coffee grinder. Help her piece together the correct orders to make sure she’ll get tipped.
Each guest ordered a different drink and a different type of muffin.
- Gary was in line before Lisa this morning, but he decided not to order his usual (mocha and a blueberry muffin) and instead tried something new to eat and drink.
- By the time Zack got there, the raspberry muffin had just been ordered by the person ahead of him in line. He ordered an extra dry cappuccino while he decided that morning’s muffin choice.
- The 5 orders were: the mocha, the man who ordered the poppyseed muffin, the 2nd person in line, the tea, and Paul’s order.
- The people who ordered something to drink with chocolate in it (including the mocha) could not possibly eat a chocolate chip muffin, too. No chocolate item was ordered first.
- The men, oddly enough, placed the odd numbered orders.
- The blueberry muffin was ordered before Paul’s order but after the hot chocolate.
- The 3 fruit muffins were sold to Lisa, the first person in line, and to the person who also ordered a mocha.
ANSWER: Lisa – hot chocolate -2nd in line – raspberry muffin
Paul – latte – 5th in line – chocolate chip muffin
Janice – mocha – 4th in line – blueberry muffin
Gary – tea – 1st in line – apple muffin
Zack – cappuccino – 3rd in line – poppyseed muffin
Friday’s Quizzler is….
The following phrases are colloquialisms, idioms or proverbs that are written in their literal,
and rather complicated form. Can you uncover their true meanings and solve this teaser?
Example: “Don’t place the two wheeled vehicle in a position preceding the equine mammal,” is the proverb “Don’t put the cart before the horse.”
- Positive aesthetic appeal is solely the equivalent of the thickness of the epidermis.
- The ground covering of slender leaved plants is always a more vibrant hue of a common secondary color in the proximity of the opposite surface of a structure serving as a boundary.
- Produce the sound of sharp tapping by striking blows to a processed piece of secondary xylem from a large perennial plant.
- The gyre that emanates shrill sounds receives the viscous lubricant.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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