WELC0ME to TUESDAY MARCH 19. 2024
Top Ten Signs You’re Paranoid –*
- You run away upon seeing a mall directory that says, “You are here.”
- Thirty five locks on your sock drawer just aren’t enough.
- You hire a private eye to keep an eye out on your house,
but then fire him because he’s part of the conspiracy. - Before you take the garbage cans back from the street,
you check them for really short Mafia hit men. - You are learning six foreign languages because you just know
those people you don’t understand are talking about YOU. - You even wonder if the guard dog you hired is secretly plotting against you.
- You have a funny feeling the voices in your head are plotting behind your back.
- It takes you three hours each evening to program the household
alarms and video surveillance system before you can go to bed. - You’re checking off each number on this list as you read.
- The Witness Relocation Program has told you to stop showing up
unless you have an actual reason to.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“The really frightening thing about middle age
is that you know you’ll grow out of it.”
–Doris Day
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that
apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
–George Carlin
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really
have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
–Lucille Ball
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
The Top 10 Signs You Have A Bad History Teacher –*
- Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.
- As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.
- Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.
- Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler’s favorite pasta.
- Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and Canada as “technically” U.S. States.
- Tells you that it’s Napoleon that’s the ice cream that comes in 3 flavors in one box.
- Insists that the Great Depression could have been stopped with the right amount of Lithium.
- Threatens to renact Salem Witch Trials/Burnings if homework is not turned in on time.
- Claims that it was Martin and Lewis that were the great explorers of the West.
- Credits David Hasselhoff and not Democracy for the fall of the Berlin Wall.
Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Whoa. I was having an out-of-movie experience.”
Answer: “Aladdin and the King of Thieves” (1996).
Robin Williams voiced Genie in “Aladdin and the King of Thieves” (1996). Aladdin (voiced by Scott Weinger) wondered where his father Cassim (voiced by John Rhys-Davies) was, and when he asked Genie, the Genie turned into Pumbaa from “The Lion King” and told Aladdin “Hakuna Matata!”. He then changed back into himself and told Aladdin, “Whoa. I was having an out-of-movie experience.” Robin Williams was known for not sticking to the scripts, so as a result of this Disney has hours of unused material.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Push a penny under the door.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
A man is trapped in a room. The room has only two possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instantly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the second door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
ANSWER: He waits until nighttime and then goes through the first door.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four.
Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)
- Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles.
- One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision.
- Restrain your multiple Equus caballus.
- The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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