WELCOME to MONDAY MAY 12, 2025

THE MODERN TOOLBOX:

Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies.
Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo
the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind
screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers – Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath
and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light – A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium,
causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone – The handyman’s 911.

Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws
nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL MONDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A London architect has come up with a concept for a floating hotel that is self-sustaining
and could potentially move around the world. Great job, architect.
You just invented the cruise ship.” -Seth Meyers

“A new study shows that elected leaders don’t live as long as their defeated opponents.
So if there’s a candidate you really don’t like, vote for them.” -Stephen Colbert

“Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an
invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco.
I don’t know; that actually might make me START smoking.” -Jimmy Kimmel

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was
concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat.

After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number.
He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty,
“My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?”
“Certainly,” said the clerk. “You’re in the lobby.”

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day!
For what film did Frank Sinatra win an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor?

Answer: From Here to Eternity!
This 1953 film, based on the novel by James Jones, had an all star lineup: Burt Lancaster, Montgomery Clift,
Frank Sinatra, Donna Reed, and Deborah Kerr. It told the story of soldiers who were stationed
in Hawaii before the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

Monday Movie Trivia of the day!
Who was James Dean’s leading lady in “Rebel Without a Cause”?

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Georges, Patrick, Charlis, Samuel and Bruno are five Frenchmen. Georges knows English and Chinese. Patrick knows Chinese and Japanese. Charlis knows Japanese and German. Samuel knows German and English. Bruno knows them all: English, Chinese, Japanese and German.

In how many ways can they sit in a row, such that any two neighboring persons have no problems in communication?

ANSWER: It is one long palindrome!
A palindrome is something that can be read the same backwards and forwards.

Monday’s Quizzler is….​😎😎
Victor the Viking lived in a distant land inhabited by dragons and sea monsters.

The dragon population later became a threat to the kingdom. The King, who married Victor’s sister and made her his queen, announced a contest. The warrior who could kill the most number of dragons from sunrise to sunset of next Sunday would be declared winner and marry the King’s only daughter.

On the eve of the contest, Gringo the Gorgeous, first born of and heir to the King, slept early to conserve his energy with his sharpened ax beside him.

Victor the Viking, who almost forgot his ax and shield, rode his black gelding into the forbidden forest and camped there overnight to gain a headstart.

Abner the Able spent the night in his house sharpening his spatha and polishing his bronze shield. he had his squire prepare his stallion for the contest.

Brav the Bold woke up very late the morning of the contest and had to ride his horse like crazy to catch up with the others.

Igor the Terrible, the only warrior who used two weapons was able to kill 4 dragons with his ax and 5 dragons with his spear.

At the wedding dinner hosted by the king later that evening, the winner, who killed more than a half dozen dragons with his ax, and his proud parents were honored by the King.

The winner’s horse was castrated and retired from duty. The winner’s bronze shield was permanently displayed in the King’s Hall.

Who won the contest?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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