WELCOME to WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 3rd, 2025

THE MODERN TOOLBOX:

Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. 
Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional 
repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change 
out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage 
estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you 
drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

Multi-Pliers – Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left 

in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

Halogen Light – A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football 
stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working 
on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of 
electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone – The handyman’s 911.

Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the 
power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting 
airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

Chainsaw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you 
accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique 
the job you’re doing or offer advice.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

 
“Researchers are claiming that humans can only maintain close relationships with five people. 
Which should make for an interesting Mother’s Day for my mom and her six kids.” -Conan O’Brien

“Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast options. 
Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. 
It’s the half a burrito you woke up next to.” -Seth Meyers

“The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should 
start going on walks. Then to everyone’s surprise, he added, ‘Even if you’re just going out 
to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'” -Jimmy Fallon
 
 

 
 
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. 
They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.
“Are there two pints in a quart or four?” asked one.
“There be two pints in a quart,” confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
“Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us.”
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows 
called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, “You did say two pints, didn’t you?”
“That’s right,” he called back, “two pints.” 😁😎
 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  
This movie is about a romantic comedy dealing with the relationship between a football obsessed 
secondary school English teacher and his serious-minded colleague!

Answer: The 2005 US baseball comedy ‘Fever Pitch’ was a remake of a 1997 British film starring Colin Firth. 
 
Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!  
This movie is based on the tale of Perseus in Greek mythology. 

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
Nora Shekrie paid a visit to her niece, Saffa Moore, at Watts-Amata U. One of the first things 
Nora noticed was a tastefully framed poster over Saffa’s desk, apparently a long-range photo of some celestial rock.
“Aunt Nora, did you know they just discovered two more moons of Pluto last week?”
“I read about it, but I didn’t realize they had posters out already.”
“Oh, this is just a photo some astronomy buff in New Mexico took. He made posters, and he’s 
selling them for $10 each on Uzz-Bay. He included a whole web page on the physical features, 
especially the impact craters. He says he’s working on his PhD. at UNM, y’know, at the Flagstaff 
campus? That’s where Clyde Tombaugh discovered Pluto in the first place.”
“I thought Tombaugh was from Illinois.”
“He grew up in Streator, but he worked at Flagstaff when he found Pluto.”
“Ah. So, what’s so great about these craters?”
“Well, there are these elliptical ones in the upper right, pretty much pointing in the same direction, 
like they’re probably all the same age, from one big meteor storm. Then there are a few teardrop-shaped 
ones here and there, and my favorite is this pair, where two of them make a cute little heart right where 
the moon’s little behind would be. Isn’t it darling?”
“It sure is. But I really think your parents should have a talk with a few people.”
“Because I’m so excited about astronomy?”
“Because you’re not learning enough to know when you’re being cheated.”

How did Nora know?

Answer:  “Saffa, this is a nice piece of graphic work, but it’s fake. First and foremost, impact craters are round. Regardless of the angle or speed of impact, anything going that fast leaves a circular crater.”
“No way!”
“Yes way! Try it with marbles or candy in a tray of flour, or a sandbox, whatever you like. That’s why lunar craters are circular.”
“But he’s getting a PhD. in astronomy!”
“His web site says that, but I doubt it. The Lowell Observatory is in Flagstaff … which is in Arizona, not New Mexico.”
“But what about my $10?”
“I leave that as an exercise for the student.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​😎😎
This one is a “mental” exercise – don’t use paper and scissors – just imagine in your mind:

Take a sheet of paper – any size that you happened to have (remember, just imagine this paper). Now fold this sheet of paper in half and now fold it in half again, at right angles to the first fold. Now you have four thicknesses of paper. Now imagine you use scissors and cut through all four thicknesses, right down the middle of the paper, parallel to the first fold you made. Now, imagine, how many pieces of paper do you have now? Don’t get paper and scissors to solve this one – try to picture this in your mind!

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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