Welcome, to Monday, January 4th! Hey it’s time to take a look at some wife one-liners. Now please remember NOT TO SHOOT THE MESSENGER! (This includes my wife as well!)

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. — Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. — Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. — Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. — George Burns

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. — Cindy Garner

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was water in the carburetor.” I said, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In the lake.” — Henny Youngman

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. — Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. — Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. — Erma Bombeck

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So now I have two girlfriends.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

“That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great day people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am history, Eucman!

Quotes of the Day

A mission statement is defined as “a long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.” All good companies have one.

If it weren’t for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.

“Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened.” –Cora Harvey Armstrong

There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer;
after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, “THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT,” and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, “SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT.” Then the next time, it spits out, “FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT.” And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.

Joke of the Day*

Bob is walking down a country road when he spots Farmer Harris standing in the middle of a huge field of corn doing absolutely nothing. Bob, curious to find out what’s happening, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, ‘Excuse me Farmer Harris, could you tell me what you are you doing?’ ‘I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize, ‘the farmer replies. ‘A Nobel Prize?’ enquires Bob, puzzled. ‘How?’ ‘Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.’

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘Why do I have to be Mr. Pink?’ Answer:Reservoir Dogs. Quentin Tarantino’s best flick, even better than ‘Pulp Fiction’ in many ways.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???? ‘WHAT ain’t no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in WHAT?’

Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features the names of various song titles that share a word in common and are written back-to-back. This Peter Gabriel song was the love theme from 1989’s romantic comedy “Say Anything” while Billy Idol scored a hit with this 1980’s tune. Answer: In Your Eyes Without a Face. “Say Anything” stars John Cusack and Ione Skye, and in probably the most romantic scene in the movie, Cusack’s character tries to win back his girlfriend by blasting “In Your Eyes” which was “their song” outside her bedroom window. *Aaw….how sweet! Billy Idol released his song with a rather creepy title in 1983.

Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features the names of various song titles that share a word in common and are written back-to-back. Lee Greenwood’s patriotic song meets The Guess Who’s feminine-sounding song.
 

Friday’s Quizzler is..
What is this rebus?
NOSE
your money
CHIN
ANSWER: Put your money where your mouth is.

Monday’s Quizzler is…
What word starting with BR, that with the addition of the letter E, becomes another word that sounds the same as the first?

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEEJAZZ5! GREAT JOB JAZZ, WAY2 START 2010!

Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.

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