Welcome, to Tuesday, February 9th! Today the Eucman brings you…..
LIFE’S OBSERVATIONS:

1. Marriage changes passion; suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

2. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea.”

3. I have my own little world. But it’s OK, they know me here.

4. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

5. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

6. I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

7. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

8. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

9. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a couple of bucks at the bowling alley.

10. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

11. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

12. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. 

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 
   
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

What’s all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me.

Joke of the Day* 

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following: “We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. “They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim. At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can’t get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.”
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “A man with lint-damaged hair but nonetheless a fireball!” 

Answer: Good Morning Vietnam. I wish I could treat my superiors like this. This is Adrian Crohnhauer’s description of his boss. His boss says things like “that’s about as good a polka as you’ll ever hear.” 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????   “You’re standing in your pizza.”

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Monday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Let’s play a game let’s pretend for a second you don’t know who I am  and what I do, let’s just put it do the side” 

ANSWER: Tell Me.  The man with many names, Sean Combs (or Puff Daddy, P Diddy or just Diddy). Here with the amazing Christina Aguilera. This song was actually meant to be a demo track for the group Danity Kane before Diddy decided to use Christina Aguilera on it instead. It became a number one in Bulgaria, Malta and the Philippines (you know, all the major list).  

 Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Grey goose got your girl feeling loose. Now I’m wishin’ that I didn’t wear these shoes. (I hate heels) It’s like everytime I get up on the dew,
Paparazzi put my business in the news.”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..

What is the next animal in this series:
Quail, Weasel, Emu, Racoon, -?-
Choose from:
Yak
Turkey
Bumblebee
Ostrich
Tiger
Eland   

ANSWER: Turkey
The series alternates between bird and mammal, but at the same time, the animals begin with the letters from the top row of a QWERTY keyboard. Thus “T” is the next letter, and the only bird in the list that begins with a “T” is “Turkey”. Also, “Yak” would be next in the series after Turkey… extra points if you noticed!  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…

When Question Mark unlocked the door, he thought that he would see his wallet straight away. But Skid Mark (Question’s brother) decided to put the wallet in a safe. The combination is three 2-digit numbers which can be expressed like this:

xx-xx-xx

You are given the following clues to work out the combination:

The total of the three numbers is 39.
The second number is half of the third number.
The first number is the third number minus 1.

Can you find Question’s wallet in time? It’s all up to you.

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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