Welcome, to Friday, February 12th! In celebration of the weekend, today we take a look at Mad Ramblings and Ponderments.  

What’s with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking — “Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I’d better carpet the toilet too.” 

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I’ll just say, “Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly.” 

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, “No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?” Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person? 

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.” 

Can’t we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don’t they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

 Why do they call it a “building”? It looks like they’re finished. Why isn’t it a “built”? 

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? 

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall? 

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn’t that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don’t they rotate on their own? 

All the king’s HORSES and all the king’s men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn’t put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway? 

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? “Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!” 

Isn’t it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, “Oh, man, I can’t wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.”   
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have an incredible weekend, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  

By Steven Wright

Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.  

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology… the study of milkmen.  

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’  

If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?  

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.  

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.  

I bought a dog the other day…I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him…’Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!’ He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He’s an East German Shepherd.  

Ever notice how it’s a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!

My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas…I told my roommate and he said ‘Do I know you?’  

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That’s why I never take baths.  

Joke of the Day*

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence. “Get well quick….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.” 

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “Who fights a crazy person?”  

Answer: Coupe De Ville. Oooh, a tough one to end with! Let’s face it, the three guys in the Coupe are right – “who fights a crazy person?” Good movie. And remember, “Louie Louie” is a “sea shanty!”   

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Just remember, kid: there are heroes, and there are legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.’

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Thursday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?” 

ANSWER:Hurt. Anyone who has heard “Beautiful”, “The Voice Within” etc, can’t deny that Christina Aguilera can sing a power ballad like no other. The song had a video with a bit of a circus theme (and some really nice black and white shots in the beginning) Anyone else who gets a bit creeped out by the whole circus theme besides me?  

Friday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap We’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just won’t eat And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars In the VIP with the movie stars”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..

Which letter comes next in the following sequence?
S, H, E, R, A, W, E, B, __

ANSWER: B.
Why? Each group of three consecutive letters forms a word: she, her, era, raw, awe, web, ebb. 

 
Friday’s Quizzler is…

Hidden below you will find five uncommon titles to five classic novels. Can you decipher them?

1. Vanished with the Tempest

2. Enmity of the Globes

3. Dinky Maidens

4. A Chronicle of a Couple of Municipalities

5. Contention and Conciliation 

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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