Welcome, to Wednesday, February 17th!  Comebacks to the age old question: “Why aren’t you married yet?”

You haven’t asked yet.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

What? And spoil my great life?

Because I just love hearing this question.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiance is awaiting parole.

I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss America.

I’m waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn’t seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

What? And lose all the money I’ve invested in running personal ads?

I don’t want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren’t you thin?

I’m married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.   

That’s not my story, but I’m sticking to it! Have a great day, people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!     
  
Quotes of the Day  
“A new study found that the Reebok Classic is the most popular shoe worn by burglars. The second most popular shoe worn by burglars: yours.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.” – Craig Ferguson

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
– Thomas A. Edison 
  
“Today is President’s Day, a day that we celebrate America’s presidential history by enjoying a great deal on mattresses.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“Bill Clinton and George W. Bush will appear together in Toronto for a two-hour friendly debate. Each side gets to pick a topic. The first hour will be on the international banking crisis; the second hour will be dedicated to NASCAR trivia. I’m not saying who picked what…” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“As the economy lags, the Army is getting more and more selective. They announced this week they will no longer accept drug addicts and felons. So if you’re drug addict or a felon, you’re not welcomed in the United States Army. The good news: There’s always Congress, the NFL, and show business.” -Jay Leno 

Joke of the Day*

Don goes into business for himself. He buys a hotdog cart and sets it up in a prime spot on a busy downtown corner, right near a large bank. One day, his friend Jim approaches him and asks Don if he can lend him some money. Don refuses. “But why?” asks Jim. “Everyone knows you’re doing well, and I’m not asking for much.”  “Well, Jim, in order to get this spot I had to sign a Noncompetition Agreement with that bank over there. According to the terms of the agreement, they don’t sell hot dogs, and I don’t lend money.” 
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘If you only dream when you’re asleep, then when you wake up, there’s still nothing there.’  Answer: Dream for an Insomniac. 

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  ‘I think you’re underestimating the value of this deskset. I mean, who would want a football, or a car, when they could have a deskset as wonderful as this one? If I were going to buy a deskset twice, I would probably buy this one… both times!’

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Tuesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs fromfrom 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.”  “I love it when they try to gat scandalous, Even though they know they really can’t handle it, ( They can’t handle it?), They can’t handle it, Try and take me out to dinner I cancel it ” 

ANSWER: Cassie. Her real name is Casandra Ventura, but is known to the world as Cassie. This singer/model/actress didn’t reach as big of a success with the song those lines come from, “Long Way To Go”, as with “Me & U”. It only reached number 97 on the Billboard hot 100 compared to the number three that “Me & U” reached. “Only”…Number 97 is qualified as “only”, and I who haven’t even gotten on the list.   

Wednesday’s Crazy definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2006 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I can see us in the country side sitting in the grass laying side by side You can be my baby Gonna make you my lady Girl you amaze me Ain’t gotta do nothin crazy.

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is..

A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) punched when starting work & discussion about scaling a mountain
2) a container of fibs & a shortage of baked goods
3) hasty vacation & prank gibe
4) a mongoose & artificial precipitation  

ANSWER:  1) time clock & climb talk
2) pack of lies & lack of pies
3) quick trip & trick quip
4) snake foe & fake snow

  
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…

What phrase is represented below?
What is 2 + 2?
Oak says “4”
Beech says “4”
Fir says “5”
o
o
W
f
o
o
W   

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Answers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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