Welcome, ‏to Tuesday July 6th.  Employer’s Lingo:

“COMPETITIVE SALARY” We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM” We have no time to train you.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED” You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED” Some time each night and some time each weekend.

“DUTIES WILL VARY” Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL” We have no quality control.

“CAREER-MINDED” Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

“APPLY IN PERSON” If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE” We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE” You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST” You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS” You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS” Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Employee’s Lingo:

“I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:” I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE” I pilfer office supplies.

“MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES” I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

“I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK” I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’M PERSONABLE” I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

“I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL” I carry a Day-Timer.

“I AM ADAPTABLE” I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I AM ON THE GO” I’m never at my desk.

“I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED” The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.
  
Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!   
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. “About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?” “Neither,” she said. “It’s a fish.”
 
Halfway through a romantic dinner out, my husband smiled and said, “You look so beautiful under these lights.” I was falling in love all over again when he added, “We gotta get some of these lights.”
 
Everyone has a right to make money. A sign posted at a local pub reads “Be safe: Don’t drink and drive. But please still drink.”  
 
Guaranteed  to  Roll  Your  Eyes 
There were two good ol’ boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle.  One of them said, “We’re gonna need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.”  Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but money is money, so he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got!” The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?” “Not very well at all,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet.”

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “Go back to the abyss! Fall into nothingness that awaits you and your master!”  

Answer: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King! This was said by ‘Gandalf’ to the Witch King in the movie. Pippin had gone to Gandalf for help to save his son from Denethor. It was while they were on their way that they ran into the Witch King and Gandalf uttered those words. The Witch King then threatened to kill Pippin & Gandalf and would have, had not the sound of a Rohan’s horn saved them. The Witch King then rode off. “The Lord of the Rings” film trilogy consists of three live action fantasy epic films: “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” (2001), “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” (2002) and “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King “(2003). These films were based on the three-volume book “The Lord of the Rings: written by J. R. R. Tolkien. It follows the book’s general storyline but also features some additions and deviations from the book.     

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from????  “Every time you get hit, feels like I’m gettin’ hit, too.”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Even just for a day I’d roll out of bed in the morning, And throw on what I wanted and go”   

ANSWER: “If I Were a Boy” – Beyonce! The song “If I Were a Boy” is from Beyonce’s album “I Am” This song was released in the United States on October 8, 2008.  

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I know she’s got it cause she lookin’ at me like she want it (Want It) She drop it low, make me wanna throw some on it”

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Monday’s Quizzler is..  

Listed below are clues that refer to 2 different words. The sound of these words, put together, make a different compound word. Also, just to make things even trickier, when you figure out the words, you might need to switch them around to find the compound word.
Ex. A piece of bread used for making some sandwiches shaped as the fifth letter of the alphabet. (Bun + E = Bunny)

Can you figure out all the compound words?
1. A relation’s short sleep.
2. The talker was the opposite of quiet.
3. A cube-shaped vehicle.
4. Spade’s situation.   

Answer: 1. Napkin (nap + kin)
2. Loudspeaker (loud + speaker)
3. Boxcar (box + car)
4. Suitcase (suit + case)  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…  

Here are more movie alternates, but this time they are a bit more challenging.
Use synonyms of the following phrases to decode popular movie titles.

1.) Razors of Honor

2.) Wonder-male Comes Back

3.) Ruler of the Bands

4.) Endless Light of the Unstained Head

5.) Super Quartet

6.) Mandibles 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT JOB JAZZZZZZ! 

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Answers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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