Welcome, ‏to Monday August 2nd.  Redefining Words………. Abdicate – v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma – n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade – v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Negligent – adj., describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph – v. To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle – n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard – n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee – n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence – n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller.

Balderdash – n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics – n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest’s prayer book together just before vespers.

Marionettes – n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Oyster – n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y  
“A woman from Washington is suing American Airlines for $5 million after they lost her luggage. When the airline said
that’s a ridiculous amount of money for luggage, she was like, ‘Now you know how we feel.'” -Jimmy Fallon
 
“Economists say that a college degree may not be necessary to succeed in life. I didn’t have a degree and here I am.
Seriously, kids, go to college.” -Craig Ferguson
 
“Lindsay Lohan is being released from prison next week. I just hope she does her time and keeps her nose clean.
I would hate to see her get shanked in the weight room.” -David Letterman 

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

An influential Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked
to say a few words. Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence
by sentence. “I want you to know,” he began, “I’m tickled to death to be asked here today.” A look of panicked confusion appeared on the interpreter’ s face. “This poor man,” he said in Chinese, “Scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you today.”  

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”. 

Answer: Airplane! This 1980 movie starred Robert Hayes, Julie Hagerty, Lloyd Bridges, Kareem-Abdul-Jabbar, Leslie Nielsen and Robert Stack. This is a classic spoof movie making fun of the movie “Airport” (1970). There were very corny sayings that made some people laugh and others just groan. Julie Hagerty’s character was a stewardess and she asked this line in the cockpit after the Captain had become, shall we say, unable to fly the plane. 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” 
 
_____________________________________________________________________________________
 
Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “You’ve got your dumb friends, I know what they say, they tell you I’m difficult, but so are they.”

ANSWER: “My Happy Ending” by Avril Lavigne! “My Happy Ending” was Avril Lavigne’s second single off her sophomore album “Under My Skin”.      
 
Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “We like them boys that be in them ‘lacs leanin’, open they mouths, they grills gleamin'”
_____________________________________________________________________________________
 
Friday’s Quizzler is..  

Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A
1. Chore, 2. Brace, 3. Puree, 4. Coast, 5. Thing
Group B
A. Broad Necktie, B. Earth Pigment, C. Time of Darkness, D. Indian Money, E. Sour or Bitter       

Answer: A. Coast = (4) Ascot, B. Chore = (1) Ocher, C. Thing = (5) Night, D. Puree = (3) Rupee, E. Brace = (2) Acerb

Monday’s Quizzler is…  

In each of the following words, three letters, indicated by *’s, are missing. Each missing triplet is the name of an animal. Can you fill them in so that each creates a common word?

EDU***ION
PRE***SOR
BR***RY
PY***ID 

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB ANDREA! 

=====================================================================================Answers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT:  www.slampi.org.  ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com.  www.newnorthsideconferencecenter.net., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com.