Welcome, ‏to Friday July 30th.  Elderly People Humor? 

OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal 

OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick 

OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away 

OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way 

OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do 

OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away 

OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in 

OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper 

OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded 

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks 

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke 

OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off 

OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL 

OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding 

OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up. Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y  

Steven Wright 101:  

You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time. 

Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, “Do you live around here often?” She said, “You’re wearing two different colored socks.” I said, “Yes, but to me they’re the same because I go by thickness.” Then she asked, “How do you feel?” and I said, “Well, you know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.” 

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. 

Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow. 

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn’t doing what I was doing. 

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me–and I didn’t hear it. 

I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is. Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say, “I think I might have written that.” 

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, “Yes, but not right now.” 

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally walk through into another dimension.  

G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

 A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”  Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? Major Strasser: “What is your nationality?” Rick Blaine: “I’m a drunkard.” Captain Louis Renault: “That makes Rick a citizen of the world.” 

Answer: Casablanca!  “Casablanca” is a classic film from 1942 starring Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman. The film is based upon the beginning years of WWII and Bogey’s character was running a swanky nightclub in Casablanca. One night, there was a fuss over someone singing a German patriotic song and another person singing a French anthem that a disturbance occurred. Major Strasser was the German officer who asked Bogey what nationality he was and Captain Renault was a police officer. There were many memorable lines from this movie and I found these lines to be amusing.  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”.  
 
TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVIA AWARD GOES TO SWEETJAZZ5! GREAT MOVIE TRIVIA JOB JAZZZZZ! 
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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Tell me why you’re looking so confused when I’m the one who didn’t know the truth, how could you ever be so cold?” 

ANSWER: “Leave (Get Out)” by JoJo! “Leave (Get Out)” is a great song in my opinion. It was JoJo’s first single ever, off her self-titled debut album.    
 
Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You’ve got your dumb friends, I know what they say, they tell you I’m difficult, but so are they.”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  

Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.
Example: EVER – ______ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN
SLIP ___________ LINED
BREAD __________ CASE
OTHER __________ CRACK  

Answer:  SLIP – STREAM – LINED, BREAD – BASKET – CASE, OTHER – WISE – CRACK    

Friday’s Quizzler is…   

Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A
1. Chore
2. Brace
3. Puree
4. Coast
5. Thing

Group B

A. Broad Necktie
B. Earth Pigment
C. Time of Darkness
D. Indian Money
E. Sour or Bitter    

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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