Welcome, ‏to Thursday July 29th.  A Mother’s dictionary…….

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here! 
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 

 A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. Josh Billings

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. Erma Bombeck

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. Groucho Marx

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. Bob Hope

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. H. L. Mencken

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright 
 
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing.” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”

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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from????  “Cindy, you know by tattling on your friends, you’re really just tattling on yourself. By tattling on your friends, you’re just telling them that you’re a tattletale. Now, is that the tale you want to tell?” 

Answer:  A Brady Bunch Movie! This 1995 movie was based on the television series of “The Brady Bunch” which ran from 1969-1974. The character Cindy was the youngest girl in the Brady family and the line came from when her father, Mike Brady, was having a heart to heart conversation with her about telling on someone. Watch the movie to find out who. Was it Alice? Was it Tiger? I’m not telling because then I would be a tattle tale. (Smile) 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? Major Strasser: “What is your nationality?” Rick Blaine: “I’m a drunkard.” Captain Louis Renault: “That makes Rick a citizen of the world.” 
 
TODAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. CARRIE PALOMBO!  WAY2GO CARRIE!
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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.”  “Check my vital signs, to know I’m still alive, and I walk alone…”
 
ANSWER:  Boulevard Of Broken Dreams! “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams” debuted on the Billboard Hot 100 at number 71 on November 27th, 2004. The song took more than four months to reach its peak position of number two on March 5th where it held this position for five weeks. It spent 14 weeks in the top ten, 30 weeks in the top 40 and 36 weeks on the Hot 100. The song also did well on other Billboard charts. It topped the Mainstream Rock Tracks chart for 14 weeks and the Modern Rock Tracks chart for 16 weeks.
 
Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “Tell me why you’re looking so confused when I’m the one who didn’t know the truth, how could you ever be so cold?” 
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..  

Guess this prefix…

I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
I turn a whole country into a small flower.
I change something alive into something flat and not alive. 

Answer:  The prefix is “CAR-“.
I change something weighing two thousand pounds into a small, light container.
CARton
I turn a food that is decaying into one that isn’t.
CARrot
I turn a whole country into a small flower.
CARnation
I change something alive into something flat and not alive.
CARpet   

Thursday’s Quizzler is…  

Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.

Example: EVER – ______ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN

SLIP ___________ LINED
BREAD __________ CASE
OTHER __________ CRACK

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS ANDREA L. BANKS! PURE GENIUS BANKS!   

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Answers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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